Me? Sarcastic? Stop...

Cathode Rays & Power Plays

2007-04-09T20:51:00.000-04:00

The new permanent blog can be found here if you care to read on. Also, feel free to browse the extensive archives of this, my first blog. They're sure to delight.

Temporary Hiatus

2005-09-14T17:06:00.000-04:00

I know, you saw it coming. I've never gone eight days without writing. And without wanting to even emit the aura of complaining, the simple fact is, until I get my new schedule figured out, blog writing will be a part of my history and nothing more.

I just started my new Post Office job this week and it eats up the only hours that school and sleep do not. That said, go back and read some old posts if the spirit moves you. I plan to republish some of my favorite previous posts every so often over the next few weeks so the blog doesn't become too stale.

Maybe even a picture now and then. God knows you must love those.

2005-09-06T08:48:00.000-04:00

Today is going to be all about this particular DVD set. The best TV show possibly ever made. If you've never seen Lost, you really don't know what you're missing. And I'm not just saying that. Ask Jason. Or Brett. And go rent it or something.

2005-09-05T21:24:00.000-04:00

This is Urquhart Castle at Loch Ness on nothing other than a cloudy day. Some of my best UK pictures ended up being the ones I took at Loch Ness. Or that's what I think.

Meditation On An Imitation

2005-09-04T18:23:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » Fly Me To The Moon by Frank Sinatra
Days Until NHL Opening Night » 31
Big News » Chief Justice William Rehnquist died last night at 80. He had thyroid cancer. He served on the United States Supreme Court for 33 years.

Now, today's story...

From my admittedly limited perspective on life, one of the most fascinating concepts seems to me to be that of the coincidence. Irony, put another way.

I sometimes laugh at fiction writers who choose to take their cues from actual events. Yet obviously art imitating life is the simplest form of coincidence. When "ripped from the headlines" is voiced over a Law & Order spot on NBC, you're not surprised to see a story that strikingly resembles something you just read in the morning paper. (On the other hand, the disclaimer at the end is a little annoying.)

What grabs my interest is life imitating art. Two examples of television entertainment are coming close to being realized in the three-dimensional world. It's really quite strange to me.

One example is the recent hurricane-caused devastation on the Gulf Coast (when compared with this year's FX movie Oil Storm) and the other is the death of Chief Justice William Rehnquist (if you saw a 2004 episode of The West Wing).

Oil Storm, which I actually wrote a little about, was a fictional movie shot like an after-the-fact documentary. It was about Hurricane Julia, a massive storm that destroyed Gulf Coast ports and the oil pipeline connecting them to the rest of the country, effectively cutting off the supply of quite a bit fo crude in September 2005 (the movie aired in June). Sound familiar?

I cringed every time they showed gas prices going up to four, five, seven dollars a gallon. And while the movie was on a more extreme scale than Hurricane Katrina, I'm still floored by the number of coincidences. I've listed some of them below (the work of fiction next to the top bullet, the real world beneath).

Storm names, landfall dates:
• Hurricane Julia, Saturday, Sept. 3, 2005 (Category 4);
• Hurricane Katrina, Monday, Aug. 29, 2005 (Category 4).

Human death toll:
• Nearly 1,500 fatalities;
• Predicted to be in the thousands.

Average gas prices days following storms:
• $4.29 per gallon (regular);
• $3.08 per gallon (regular).

Not only are those things true, but other parallels include the evacuation of the city of New Orleans, the opening of the Superdome for those stranded, and a direct hit by the storm on Port Fourchon, a primary hub for oil coming into the United States.

So who thinks FX will be airing that movie again any time in the near future?

Then there is the Supreme Court situation which, while not sharing as many direct parallels, is just as ironic.

In a fifth season episode of The West Wing, entitled "The Supremes," the Bartlet administration is faced with the opportunity of filling a vacant Supreme Court seat when an associate justice has a heart attack. There's a few semi-funny moments dealing with the declining health of the the chief justice and a White House aide sending flowers to the family under that assumption.

But the staff decides to completely overhaul the court if they can get the help they need. As Democrats, they want the most liberal judge they can find, though the Republican Congress will have none of that. So they talk the chief justice into retiring so they can name a liberal female judge as chief and let the Republicans choose their dream candidate as well. And so it was.

By the way, the fictional Bartlet administration filled a seat back in the first season also. But how often does an administration really get to nominate a new justice? Let alone two or three. For those of you who skipped during American Government class, Supreme Court justices are nominated to life-long terms.

Back in the real world, with O'Connor having stepped down several months ago, Rehnquist's passing last night now gives the Bush adminstration the chance to fill two seats, including naming a new chief justice. It's weird, right?

While neither of these situations exactly mirrors the fictional works, they are still striking to me in similarities. It's weird enough when art imitates life.

But this is just absurd.

Watch For Yourself: I cut together a two-minute video of scenes from Oil Storm that I thought related especially to the Hurricane Katrina situation. You can click here to watch it. Remember, this movie first aired June 5, 2005. Feel free to leave your comments below.

2005-09-03T22:38:00.000-04:00

I think I'm basically just switching back and forth between landscape photos from Iceland and North Carolina. Can you blame me though? I kind of wish I'd taken more pictures in New Orleans either of the two times I visited.

2005-09-02T22:41:00.000-04:00

Here's an airplane because I went to the airport today. I didn't take the picture today. I took it like five years ago. It was the Tampa to Baltimore leg of my trip to the UK. Tampa to Baltimore. Baltimore to Keflavik. Keflavik to Glasgow. And so on.

All Clean

2005-09-02T21:41:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » New Orleans by Toby Keith
Days Until I Own Lost On DVD » 4
Big News » Authority figures are predicting gas prices around here to top out at around $4 a gallon. That disgusts me. I'm getting in line for an Insight.

Now, today's story...

That post office job I've been speaking of for several months is inching ever closer. I'm afraid the hype is going to outweigh the thing itself. In fact, I'm sure of it.

But as you may or may not know (or care to know), my interview for the position of mind-numbingly dull data entry person happened last Saturday. At which point I was directed to schedule an eMAP appointment which, to the best of my knowledge at the time, had to do with a drug test.

Well that was this morning. In fact the clinic where this was to take place was in the Tampa International Airport post office. Why the post office at the airport? Why the post office at all? These are questions which no coherent answer could ever satisfy.

So I live in Brandon. So it's a relatively short drive, but consider the state of the roadways in the city of Tampa. For those of you not from around these parts, they are in utter disrepair. And by "utter disrepair," I of course mean "under construction." To say the least, it isn't a smooth drive. Never has been as far as I can tell.

But the important thing was I thought I was getting to go to the airport. I do love airports. It's a logical step up from a love of travel. If I could fly someplace right now, I would. Dammit, I would. Only not New Orleans. I don't care much for boating. (Forgive my poor taste. I honestly do feel for the people there and all along the coast.)

Urine test. Right. Digression is a villain to a narrative writer. So I got off I-275 and took Westshore to Spruce where I discovered the airport post office wasn't exactly where the Google map said it was. I drove in circles around west Tampa before deciding to give the road signs a shot. I followed them into the airport and all the way to the post office. Imagine that. Useful road signs.

My eMAP packet directs me to the second floor, room 202. But there was a problem with that too. For one thing, the elevators were hidden. But more importantly, no one answered the door I was told to knock on. However, a phone number taped to the door suggested who to call in such a situation. I did and Nurse Linda told me to meet her downstairs.

Before even getting around to finding out what my name was, her first question to me was, "Do you have to go to the bathroom?" To which I replied "yes." To which she replied, "Good, because that's the most important question of the day." (Look at that Lindsay, I've taken to stenography. Just like you've always wanted.)

I'd go on, but the dialogue gets even less-interesting (if that's possible). She handed me a cup to fill and away I went. (Details expunged here for obvious reasons.) Then Nurse Linda showed me how this fancy cup she poured my "specimen" into could actually tell if I'd be high recently within minutes.

Having little to no interest in science or anything like it, I couldn't really have cared less. But evidently there are these blue markers on the side of the cup (reminiscent of a pregnancy test — not that I'd know) under abbreviations that spell out jail time should any of them come up positive.

No worries though, I was completely clean. No amphetamines. No cocaine. No PCP. No morphine. No pot. All clean.

So that pretty much spelled my day. Taking a leak in a cup. And watching a few airplanes fly away.

Now if only we could figure out a way to get gas prices to go back down.

It's Almost Here: My number of the day above explains the reason why those who know me should expect, starting next Tuesday, little to no human interaction with me (like that's anything new). I'm stopping at Best Buy on my way to school and picking up the first season of Lost on DVD. The portable DVD player will be physically attached to me until I have viewed every second of every disc.

2005-09-01T20:51:00.000-04:00

Today feels like a foggy mountain picture day. It's from a couple years ago when I was in North Carolina. I sure seem to have a lot of those, huh?

The Beginning Of The End

2005-08-31T22:10:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » One More Day by Diamond Rio
Hit Count On This Blog » 1,341
Big News » It appears Katrina may eclipse Andrew in terms of lives lost and damage caused. Help out if you can.

Now, today's story...

It's been six days since I've written a real post. I am ashamed. The best way to rectify this problem is by just writing again. Wait, don't leave. It's a good story, I promise. It involves shuttles. And a woman named Bartlett who talks a lot about beer.

Yeah, I recognize that probably wasn't enough to hold my more educated readers.

Anyway. Nonsense aside, I started my senior year at USF on Monday. It's a little odd to think that at this time next year I'll be settling into a career path. (Or at the very least a job that pays the bills. God, I'm gonna have bills.)

So Monday. I was smart enough (read: lucky enough) to schedule all of my classes 11 AM and later. Living at home this semester, I figured I could live without the hassle of travelling through morning rush hour traffic. That's the good news.

The bad news is USF parking is still the disaster it's always been. (I recognize my problems, of which I have very few, are nothing when compared with the devastation suffered along the north Gulf coase this week. But let me tell my story.) I got lucky on Monday and somebody was pulling out just as I got to them.

Tuesday didn't quite fly like that. No, in fact, Tuesday was a bloody nightmare. We'll suffice to say that it's possible I walked ten miles from my car to my classroom — and obviously I was late. But if you don't find that funny, maybe the fact that I rode the USF shuttle for the first time ever will tickle you.

Three years I've been at that school. And for what? To be fair though, I have lived on campus all of those years. And housing is easily within walking distance of the main buildings where classes are held. But I had the task of meeting with a woman named Kathy about a temporary part-time job in the science labs. Don't ask.

Kathy tells me to "take the E" to the nursing school. I'm sorry, what? Oh, it's a shuttle. Well, it's a glorified bus. But the AC is nice on a 90-degree day. I accept. I rode the "E" to the Yukon, I think, before heading back to civilization. But during that ride I realized for three years I've been ignoring a valuable (free) asset. Of course it hasn't really come in handy until recently.

So with the parking dilemma I faced yesterday, I chose to park on Neptune and hitched a shuttle back to Earth. It was a nice ride. Comfortable seats and then there's the added perk of not having to dodge dangerous (read: college-age) drivers.

Not that you asked, but classes have been decent as well. I'm in a magazine design and production class with Liz wherein we, I guess, learn how to design magazines and such. The teacher's a trip but I feel a little out of place being the only television production major in the room. Everybody is journalism or public relations or advertising. But I'm fine with it. I understand uniqueness is a quality trait.

It's been an interesting start to the final year, here. The first three all seemed to run together in my head. Maybe this one will distinguish itself from the pack.

There is much more to say, but at the moment, most of it eludes me.

Until next time.

Breaking Out: In case you were wondering (and I'm well aware of the high probability that you weren't), I thought Prison Break was phenomenal. A lot of critics had their doubts, but everyone's entitled to their opinion. Even the wrong ones. Seriously, though. I thought it was very well written and the surprises promised at the end of each hour were, in my mind, worth the wait. I'm dying to see how they make the great escape.

2005-08-30T20:53:00.000-04:00

Big. Crater. In Iceland. Yes, back to that again. Swear I'll write tomorrow. It's been too long. Way too long. That's one big crater. In Iceland. Don't fall in.

2005-08-28T23:55:00.000-04:00

This is another panoramic I made from two pictures I took from Edinburgh Castle in Scotland during my 2000 trip to the United Kingdom and Iceland.

2005-08-26T16:13:00.000-04:00

I got to meet and get an autograph from Lightning captain Dave Andreychuk two years ago outside the locker room. He's 42 and he just signed a two-year deal with my Bolts.

Questions & Answers

2005-08-25T21:54:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » Ocean by Hanna-McEuen
Current Meteorological Threat » Hurricane Katrina
Big News » A hilarious Dallas gas station owner posted on his price sign, instead of the actual prices, an arm, a leg, and "your first born." Who knew gas station owners were funny.

Now, today's story...

I promised one more television-related post this week. And here it is. Shield your eyes if you can't handle it.

September is around the corner and that means shows that left off in May are going to pick up very soon. Some ended in huge cliffhangers while others — did not. So here's what I remember, what I know, what I expect to happen this fall.

Last season, ABC ended up being my "most-watched" network. Basically they had more shows that I was interested in than anybody else. One being Lost.

Lost ended with a huge cliffhanger yet barely answered any of the season's questions. The finale left us wondering what was inside of the hatch that Locke and Boone found and why "the others" kidnapped Walt. We also don't know (unless you read those horrible spoilers) whether Michael, Sawyer or Jin will make it back to the island alive, their raft having been blown to bits.

From what I understand, many questions will be answered within the first three episodes. Of course it wouldn't be Lost if more questions weren't raised. The ratio of raised-questions to answered-questions on this show is extremely high. You have to have patience and trust in the writers in order to really enjoy it. Which I do. The new season premieres on Wednesday, September 21 on ABC.

Alias also ended with a head-scratcher. The man we've come to know as Michael Vaughn for the last four seasons informs that that is in fact not his real name — seconds before the car he's driving is sideswiped, leaving us to wonder for three months whether he's dead and we'll never know his true identity.

Once again, the writers assure us answers early on. We appreciate that. Season five debuts on a new night, Thursday, September 29 on ABC.

Boston Legal sort of fizzled out with ABC sort of I guess forgetting about it when Grey's Anatomy turned out to be a viewer favorite. It's yet another David E. Kelley comedy/drama — only this time he hit the target. I've been enjoying the writing of Boston Legal very much. Nobody writes anything quite like he does.

The five episodes that didn't get aired last season will open this season, making it 27 long instead of the typical 22. It also premieres on a new night, Tuesday, September 27 on ABC.

Moving away from ABC leaves me with only three more shows to mention (one for each remaining network — and not counting the two comedies I watch). First is 24 on FOX. Only it doesn't return to the schedule until next January. I'll be looking forward to it.

NCIS is the only CBS show I even consider watching (aside from the occasional CSI: Miami). I'm looking forward to the third season premiere to see how they deal with Kate's murder in the final seconds of the finale. Not only that, but this is one of the only CBS shows that has actual dialogue, and you know, human interaction. NCIS is back on Tuesday, September 20.

Last but not least is one of my personal favorites for a long time. The West Wing enters its seventh season on a new night, Sunday, September 25. This will be a real season of change considering President Bartlet's term is coming to an end. Jimmy Smits and Alan Alda are running for president to replace Martin Sheen.

Everyone's been approaching this season as though it will be the last. But I'd bet a million bucks that if there's a ratings surge when the new president is selected, season eight won't quite be mere online "fanfic." And who knows? President Hawkeye? I'd watch that.

That's all I've got for today. By the way, I'm still contemplating a television blog to write my reviews in (not that you really care), but the likelihood is it will conflict too much with my Lightning game reviews over at Delay of Game — to say nothing of school and work.

Almost forgot about those.

Happy birthday, Elissa!

Eye In The Sky: Recently I posted some cool satellite pictures I found on Google Maps. I thought I'd share a few more today, such as Tampa International Airport, Bellagio Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, Empire State Building, the London Eye, The Kremlin and Red Square, USS Yorktown air craft carrier in South Carolina (on which I have personally spent the night), and the site where the World Trade Center once stood in Manhattan.

2005-08-24T23:46:00.000-04:00

Icelandic Week is over for now, but that doesn't mean I can't still post my UK pictures. This is Loch Ness at the ruins of Urquhart Castle. No signs of the monster but it sure was a rainy day.

2005-08-23T20:47:00.000-04:00

Today was another rainy day. I kind of like those. (Are you shocked the picture's not from Iceland? Me too. You'll be less shocked to find out I didn't take it here but rather in North Carolina. See?)

Americanish

2005-08-22T22:45:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » Change by The Warren Brothers
Days Until NHL Opening Night » 44
Big News » A European women's soccer team lost a big game against a major rival the other day because their goalie decided to take in a concert instead of minding the net. The score was 50-1. I'm taking bets on how long before said team decides she should be replaced.

Now, today's story...

I'm sure you read the title of this post thinking I'm nuts. Well I'm not. If anyone's nuts, it's Jeff Rubin. He's the self-proclaimed creator of National Punctuation Day. (Read about how to celebrate it. If you like writing, you'll probably laugh.)

I was reading about him in today's Trib. It may seem a little — what's the word I'm looking for? — crazy, but the fact is that grammar in this country is in a horrible state of disrepair. And sadly, most people just do not care.

Well I care.

Americans don't really speak English anymore as far as I'm concerned. We speak Americanish. It's a form of English that pays little to no attention to grammar, punctuation or spelling. But speaking Americanish is all right by me, as long as we don't all start writing that way.

I pride myself (with humility) on writing my blog grammatically correct, with proper punctuation and spelling. The few times when I sidestep that general rule, I am more or less trying (yet usually failing) to be funny or silly. That and I'm a bad proofreader when it comes to my own work. I usually have to have somebody else read over my work to catch my mistakes.

But aside from journalists and students, most people do not write in English anymore. For example, take a look at almost any blog here on Blogger. Most people write the way they talk. And I don't mean like the conversational style that I use to write my blog. I mean they write the way they talk.

And many of these people just shrug off their grammatical travesties by saying, "it's just a blog," meaning "merely a blog." In the four months I've been writing in this blog, I've come to a realization that this is one of the greatest tools ever invented. Afforded to every person with access to a computer (nearly every literate person on the planet) is the availability of sites like this for people to just write.

The privilege of having a blog is one many blog writers take for granted. Yes, you get to spread your opinion to the masses, but why not use the opportunity to practice using the language correctly? I take a piece of writing much more seriously if it is well-written and thought out as opposed to being something a 10-year-old might scratch out. The 10-year-old is still learning the nuance of the language.

One last thing that bugs me is people who say "that doesn't sound right" when a grammatical error is corrected by a teacher or editor. There was a time back in the late '90s when the Spice Girls sounded right to millions of people. Sounds can be deceiving. The fact is, if everyone would learn to speak and write coherently, the day may come when grammatical correctness sounds right.

But since no one cares, that day may be far off.

And with the odds highly favoring the notion that I am thoroughly unimportant to a world packed with six billion people, I am content to be ignored. In fact, I expect it. But for any ear that's listening, I encourage you to stop writing in Americanish. Speak in Americanish. IM your friends in Americanish. Please, though, for the sake of freedom or whatever gets you up in the morning, write in English.

Write in English.

Mornings On WQYK: ...will never be the same. That's how Tampa's biggest and oldest country station is touting its new morning show featuring recording artists Cledus T. Judd and Chad Brock. The singers bring a whole new dimension to radio that WQYK will be the first to pioneer. Frankly, I was curious. I caught a short segment this morning on WTVT-TV (our FOX affiliate) with Russell Rhodes who visited the new morning crew in the studio. You can watch that video here. The guys are a riot.

2005-08-22T12:59:00.000-04:00

More Icelandic geyser action. That's some hot water, too. It is.

More Small Screen Previews

2005-08-21T19:33:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » Small Town by John Anderson
Current MP3 Count » 5,214
Big News » Cledus T. Judd and Chad Brock are actually doing a morning radio show on WQYK here in Tampa. I can't believe it either.

Now, today's story...

Yes, I know, another TV-related post. But it's getting to be the time of year for that and hockey. And I already have a hockey blog. Though truth be told, I've contemplated a separate blog for this. And you never know, it may happen in the future. But until that future arrives, I'm writing it here.

The other day I picked three new shows to discuss my unbiased a priori opinion of. I plan to write a real review after having actually seen them all.

I thought today I'd choose a few more. And in no particular order, they are Invasion, My Name Is Earl, E-Ring, and Commander In Chief.

First is Invasion, which premieres Wednesday, September 21 right after Lost on ABC. The only thing that attracted me really was the setting and catalyst for conflict. A major hurricane blows through Homestead, Florida. The part that made me giggle/cringe is that this storm serves as a red herring for some aliens landing on earth. Yeah.

The only reason I'm considering it over Threshold (CBS' copycat attempt at alien contact), is that ABC has been on a good luck streak with new shows. I knew I'd enjoy Lost when it debuted last year, but I had no idea it would become the popular hit it did. If Lost, Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy and even Alias are any indication, I think Invasion has a shot at being worth watching.

For a few years now, NBC has been at a loss for new comedy. Twelve years ago they struck gold with Frasier and then Friends a year later. Since then, only one comedy series has made a lasting impression on television viewers — Will & Grace. That's pitiful. Especially when Scrubs is (without a doubt) the funniest show I have ever seen.

That said, NBC is introducing one (that's right, one) new comedy this season. The thing is, from what I've heard and read, it sounds like a keeper. My Name Is Earl hits your screen Tuesday, September 20. It stars Jason Lee as a loser who comes to the realization (by way of a winning lottery ticket) that karma will bite you in the ass if you're not careful.

So he makes a list of all the people he's wronged in his life and decides to make restitution to them to quell the fire of the karmic gods. I could see how that could sustain a series, unlike Invasion. My guess is this show will have the type of comedy we're used to seeing on Scrubs (and by we, I mean all three of us who watch it).

That isn't to say the sitcom is dead, though NBC might have you believing otherwise. Their desperation lead to the creation of a series on Bravo wherein two novice writing teams write a comedy script and produce a pilot presentation for the network. Things have gotten so bad, they just ignore the writers' guild now.

The series is called Situation: Comedy and I've been following along. I think the irony of it is the drama created by one team's desperate desire to do things their way or no way. Point is, things aren't going so well for TV comedy. The only two comedies I even watch are Scrubs and Arrested Development. I also keep up with Joey if only because of its novelty spin-off nature.

Before I wrap it up here, I figured I'd at least make mention of NBC's E-Ring and ABC's Commander In Chief.

E-Ring debuts Wednesday, September 21 at the same time as Lost, so its viewership will be considerably less. It takes place inside the Pentagon. The few things it has going for it include are Jerry Bruckheimer, Dennis Hopper and Benjamin Bratt. It's going to take a little more than that. Not to mention, I've mostly been reading that more attention is paid to effects and camera angles than to the writing. I'll take a look at the premiere but I can't see sticking with it even if it doesn't get cancelled.

Commander In Chief premieres Tuesday, September 27 and follows the first female vice president and her ascension to the presidency when the big guy croaks. Without Aaron Sorkin's writing I think I might find it hard to watch another show that takes place inside the White House, but from everything I've heard the stories are about the people, not the politics. I've also heard that the writing is uneven.

I won't know anything for sure until the shows actually air. So until then.

And I promise, only one more TV post this week and then I'll get back to telling my weird stories. I swear it.

Speaking Of Telvision (Live!): In the interest of winning back ratings (did they ever have them?), NBC is going to be airing an episode of Will & Grace live. And they're considering doing the same for The West Wing. The Will & Grace live episode will be the season premiere and I guess it's more of a random stunt than John Wells' idea for The West Wing. Wells wants to do a live debate in November during sweeps between the two candidates running for the fictional presidency. Just don't screw it up. That's all I have to say.

2005-08-20T21:04:00.000-04:00

Yet another Icelandic landscape. Think I'm running out of pictures? Think again. I got enough to last at least three more months. Ha! The joke's on me isn't it? You're never returning to my blog, are you?

Coming To Screens Near You

2005-08-19T22:42:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » Chances Are by Vonda Shepard & Robert Downey, Jr. (yes, you read that right)
Current Hit Count On This Blog » 1,275
Big News » Northwest Airlines mechanics are going on strike. Just so long as the Icelandair mechanics aren't doing the same. (I'm sorry, I'll stop.)

Now, today's story...

It's a sad state of affairs when I can go nearly a full week without having anything interesting to write about or having time to write about anything interesting. Indeed.

But I think the former is more my issue. On the other hand, the new television season is right around the corner. (That was the cue for you non-TV watchers to tunnel your way out of here. Sorry.)

Now, those of you who are still with me, either you're wonderful friends or you actually do like primetime television. Kudos on either. So I think I'll write my preview commentary chronologically by premiere date.

And now that I think about it, I'll discuss only the new shows in this post. We'll save returning shows for another post. Those shows I'll be discussing here will be Prison Break, Reunion and Surface. I may chat up some of the others in the future.

Anyway.

To begin, there's Prison Break, which debuts Monday, August 29 on FOX. That's just over a week from now. As I understand it, the series is about a man who is wrongly convicted and tossed into the big house. His brother Michael, an architectural engineer of sorts (or whatever), knows the ins and outs of this particular "big house" and pulls off a faux bank robbery in order to get imprisoned as well. Smarty pants.

That's all I know about it from the FOX promos, but it was the critics who reviewed the series in online articles that actually piqued my interest. Apparently, Prison Break lives up to the thriller FOX proclaims it to be. At first glance you think, once they make their big break, it's all over right? He'll be free. But people don't just escape prison, end of story. Somebody's got to come after them.

I'll be watching next Monday to see for myself if they can really pull off a decent show with such a narrow premise. I think it can be done. I don't think it will be easy.

FOX's Reunion follows the lives of six high school friends from the day they graduate until their 20-year class reunion. It premieres Thursday, September 8 after The O.C. and each episode is a new year.

Weaved throughout the series is a murder-mystery story wherein one of the buddies bites the dust and one of the others is the responsible party. It makes for an interesting story, but probably a goofy funeral scene in the pilot episode, since they can't reveal the name of the deceased (who, as I understand it, won't be known until the finale).

And while the story may seem a little far-fetched, I have hope that, like Prison Break, under the right conditions it could succeed. The problem would be meddling network canceling it before the season's over and us never knowing who was killed.

The only other series I want to mention before leaving you alone is Surface, which hits NBC for the first time on Monday, Septmber 19. At first, it looked like a generic mystery series. In seeing more promos and reading up on it a little, I'm intrigued. (I'm also a fan of Boston Legal, which Lake Bell left to take this job.)

Surface is basically the story of three people who individually discover an alien species that's been living deep beneath the "surface" of the ocean. I might point out as this time that the series was initially titled "Fathom," which I thought was more appropriate. It has a forboding connotation much like the promos NBC has been running.

Basically, these people have front-row seats to what may or may not spell the end of the world as we know it. If it's a mystery even half as good as Lost, it might just hold my attention. We'll see how it turns out.

Having said that, I think it's important to know that I have written all of this without having actually seen any of said shows. My seemingly baseless accusations are based on promotional ads I've seen on TV and others' accounts of what the shows were like. My informed opinions on each of these will be posted as soon as I've seen them.

Yeah, Yeah: I know I said I'd stop with the Iceland comments, but I felt compelled to inform you (and only you) that my Icelandic vocabulary has now reached over 230 words. How about that. If you can translate þessi, hjól, helgi, hætta, með, and bíó (and you're not a native speaker or an online dictionary cheater) I will give you — a nice, congratulatory message. Written personally by me. Customized with your name and everything. Seriously. No, not seriously. Grow up.

2005-08-18T19:24:00.000-04:00

Hey, don't judge me. I know I haven't written in a while. I've been busy trying to learn Icelandic. And it's not like you've read the other 153 posts I've written in the last four months. Have you? That's right. Oh, this is a panoramic snapshot from the top of the cliff in the previous post. (It's two pictures put together. Oooh.)

2005-08-16T22:53:00.000-04:00

Yes, more Iceland. I really can't help myself. I just feel compelled to share these pictures for some reason. Don't they make you want to visit? They sure make me want to go back — soon. These cliffs are in the coastal town of Vík. I have pictures from on top of them, too.

2005-08-15T22:51:00.000-04:00

Here's Myrdálsjökull (jökull means glacier) in the middle of August when I was in Iceland in 2000. We had a snowball fight up there, which, for native Floridians, was odd enough in itself, I guess. Still chugging along on my Icelandic lessons.

2005-08-14T23:50:00.000-04:00

This is another picture at Gullfoss. It's in western Iceland between Reykjavík and Geysir. Isn't it grand? My Icelandic vocabulary reached 90 words today. Yes, I know. Go me.

Lacking Animation Or Interest, Part II

2005-08-14T22:52:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » I'll Take You Back by Brad Paisley
Days Until NHL Opening Night » 51
Big News » Gas prices just keep getting higher, don't they?

Now, today's story...

I apologize for delaying the conclusion to this story by a day. I wasn't around much yesterday, or today really. Without further adieu... part deux.

We continued our harrassment of Mark in hopes of eliciting a reaction worthy of airplay on ABC's America's Funniest Home Videos. After two failed attempts, Thursday's traps had to go off without a hitch, or else we'd be in trouble.

We set up the first one in the back hallway, a hallway Mark would have to travel if he ever wanted to get back to his bedroom. We tied fishing line across the hall about eight inches off the ground. That line was tied to a five-pound weight. The weight was tied to two party poppers. They make a loud sound with the string is pulled.

One of hte poppers we emptied the streamers from and refilled with powder (later realizing it should've been flour). We duct taped them to the door frame so they wouldn't budge and waited for Mark to get home from school and, well, trip the wire. The camera was in place. Mark shuffled down the hallway and barely flinched at the popping overhead and the powder dust filled air.

Zero for three. This was becoming discouraging.

We set up the next prank in time for dinner. We tied a rubber band around the spray nozzle attached to the kitchen sink. The way this works, if you're unfamiliar, is by turning on the faucet, water sprays out of the nozzle. Distance depends on water pressure.

We warned everyone else in the house to avoid using the kitchen sink (or else risk soaking yourself). When Mark finished dinner, he walked his plate to the sink. Now let me try and set the scene a little. The kitchen sink is positioned behind the island counter where my grandma sits for dinner. A person who planned ahead would've realized that Mark would move once initially sprayed, leaving the poor old lady to get rained on in the middle of her meal.

This is exactly what happened, though luckily Mark reacted quickly enough to shut off the water before flooding the house. I have to say, though, that my grandma's reaction was pretty funny.

Four bad pitches. At this point, the batter would simply be permitted to walk to the base, wouldn't he? But we needed to make one more go of it just to satisfy ourselves. The best one yet. The one sure to get a huge reaction. A horrified reaction.

Jason and I had our mom tell Mark that he'd be coming home from school alone on Friday. She gave him a house key and the rest was up to us. Everyone hid in the master bedroom but me. I hid in my grandma's room down the hallway next to Mark's room.

I was outfitted with a Scream costume and another party popper. The camera was set up at the end of the hallway. My job was to jump out and scare him as he made his way down the hallway. As you can guess, I was wildly unsuccessful.

I jumped out hollering and put a death grip on his arm all while shooting off a party popper. His reaction was similar to swatting at an irritating fly. Vapid. He was utterly without reaction.

Anyway, we later revealed to him that all of this failed stunts were recorded on tape and his vapidity will now keep us from winning the big money. It's all his fault.

All because he lacks animation or interest.

Caught On Tape: I have four of the five pranks on video for your pleasure. If you have even the slightest interest, you can watch the non-reactions materialize by clicking here.

2005-08-13T19:32:00.000-04:00

More snapshots from the magnificent Iceland, here. This is an Icelandic keyboard. You may notice the additional letters, including Ð, Æ, Þ, and Ö. It also has € and £ symbols. Weird, huh? I found it at an internet cafe in Reykjavik.

Lacking Animation Or Interest, Part I

2005-08-12T21:44:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » Everything's Not Lost by Coldplay
Current MP3 Count » 5,146
Big News » An Asian fellow was recently confirmed as the world's tallest human. Checking in at 7-foot-9, Xi Shun played basketball after a career in the Army. He now lives in Mongolia and does press events and such.

Now, today's story...

Hallo, komið þér sælir?

Huh? Right?

I said "Hello, how do you do?" in the Icelandic native tongue. I've been gathering sources today to begin teaching myself the langugage, though frankly it'd be easier if I had someone who could speak it teaching me.

I think that's at the very least slightly interesting. Icelandic is an old Norse language that's been unchanged for something like five centuries. Not to mention, if I plan to one day live in Iceland, I might as well learn the language (even though most of the country is quite fluent in English). I feel like I could learn more.

Then there's Mark, age 15. He is the youngest and without a doubt most dull of my three brothers. His only distinguishing physical feature is his shaggy hairdo which, oddly enough, like a chameleon, only helps him disappear into a crowd of teenagers. Shame about that.

See, Jason and I have been watching a lot of America's Funniest Home Videos lately and watching random people collecting thousands of dollars simply for sending in funny tapes made us think. Why don't we take a shot at collecting thousands of dollars simply for sending in funny tapes?

The plan was to innovate, to do something unique. Practical jokes and music montages are some of our favorite types of videos on the show. We decided to combine the two. We'd pull a series of fast ones on a single person — Mark — to see if he'd fall for them all. We planned out five jokes on Tuesday and set our plan in motion early Wednesday morning.

Mark generally gets up at 6:30 for school. Jason and I got up at 5:30 to set a trap in the bathroom — at the door, to be exact. We'd seen it before on the show and it was a classic. We taped a sheet of plastic wrap across the door so he'd walk face first into it. We set the video camera up and waited.

Here's the thing. He walked out of his room, but the slug Mark is, it never really did any damage. He hit is face on it, regrouped, then ducked underneath and went in. Vapid, as in lacking animation or interest.

We were never gonna win the $10,000 with that. So we had to make the rest of the tricks really count. While Mark was in school, Jason and I (who have both graduated high school) planned the next one.

There are these plastic mats that you often see in offices with carpet. They provide a hard surface, making desk chairs easier to roll. On the underside are these sharp little spikes that keep the mat itself from moving around once placed on the carpet. In the den, where Mark plays his guitar every day, there is one of these.

The trick was that we turn it over so that when Mark walked in the room to turn the lights on, he'd step on it and jump around a little bit — or wince at the very least. The camera was rolling and none of those things happened. He walked in, stepped on it and got annoyed. He turned the light on, flipped the mat, and played his guitar. Zero reaction. Vapid.

We couldn't believe it. If the plastic wrap thing was a bust, this was astronomically bad. We were basically 0 for 2 and we only had three ideas left. One was to tie a tripwire in the hallway to a pair of party poppers to shock him a little.

Another was to tie a rubberband to the spray nozzle on the sink so it would spray him in the face. And the last was to have believe he was coming home from school to an empty house while I dress up in a scary costume, then jump out and scare the pants off of him.

If you want to know if any of those ideas were successful, if the vapidity subsided, you're going to have to wait until tomorrow. I feel I've written enough for tonight.

Á íslensku: Here are some phrases to know in Icelandic, as translated by Jeff Feeley. "Hallo, komið þér sælir?" means "Hi, how are you?" "Bless allir" is "good night." "Talarðu ensku?" translates to "Do you speak English?" And "Hvar er salernið?" is how you ask "Where is the bathroom?"

2005-08-11T23:58:00.000-04:00

Icelandic Week continues here on the blog. If I'm not mistaken, this is a geyser. It's not the biggest one I saw, but it is one of the bigger ones. By the way, I've started Phase One in my return to Iceland. I'm investigating airfare. Wish me luck.

2005-08-10T20:58:00.000-04:00

If the opportunity presented itself, I can't say I wouldn't be interested in taking a film job in Iceland. Nevermind your laughing. I could absolutely see living there the rest of my life. You just enjoy this Icelandic snapshot.

2005-08-09T12:26:00.000-04:00

Yes, more Icelandic scenery. It's a geyser field with geothermally heated water. Boiling water, hence the steam. Touch it at your own risk. I haven't quite pinpointed the exact location and my memory of names of places I can't pronounce from five years ago isn't that great either.

Mission Accomplished

2005-08-08T21:43:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » Shine Your Light by The Mavericks
Days Until I Go Back To School » 14
Big News » Farewell Peter Jennings.

Now, today's story...

Believe it or not, I actually accomplished the few tasks I set out to do today. This is surprising if for no other reason than my plans almost always get derailed by circumstances beyond my control. Well, while circumstances wanted to have their way with me today, I decided to take control.

Or something to that effect.

The goals, as listed in no particular order, were to 1) grab breakfast on the road, 2) replace the cable modem at the Bright House office, 3) go to the bank and steal some money (from my own account), 4) go to the sheriff's office and have my fingerprints done, and 5) take advantage of CVS' three-for-eight-bucks deal on Pepsi.

As geography would have it, the cable company's office was my first stop. It's just north of 60 on Regency and it's not an incredibly large building. Just big enough to house a main office and what assume would be storage for a lot of cable television/phone/internet equipment. Repair trucks making house calls have a big area in the back.

I've been there before and while the parking lot isn't massive, it's never full. I thought I knew what to expect. That's what I get for thinking. All parking spots marked with "Customers Only" signs were taken. None for me. I drove around the building at least four or five times just looking for a place to temporarily store my car. No luck. But no hurry, either.

But the clock was inching ever closer to 10:30 and dammit I wanted a Sausage Egg & Cheese McGriddle. So since my day wasn't running on a schedule, I made a bee line for the nearest McDonald's. I walked in and ordered because in my experience, drive-thru windows call for nothing more than a headache. And I rather enjoy a clear head.

I grabbed my food inside and went back to my car. I was leaving the parking lot when it occurred to me I got bacon instead of sausage. I considered going back in and getting it replaced when I realized, first of all, I don't care. Bacon is as good as sausage in my book. Second, who says I have to park in the Bright House parking lot?

I made my way back down Regency and saw that, while there are no parking lots adjacent to the cable company, there was a great big, empty one across the street. I parked there and did a Frogger to the office. (There's not that much traffic on Regency north of the movie theaters at 11 AM anyway.)

There were a few people in line. I'd guess I was there between 10 and 15 minutes. But again, no rush. As for why I was there, let's just say it doesn't necessarily take a hurricane to screw with the power. The lights flickered Sunday afternoon and then when out. When they came back on, our cable modem did not.

I talked to a BH guy on the phone and he suggested an old-fashioned swap-out. Turns out our modem was an antique anyway and they were happy to make the trade.

If in the future you ever have the opportunity to be manhandled by a lady cop trying to fingerprint you, I highly recommend. Yeah, I think I may have wronged the woman in a previously life based solely on the way she tried to rip off my fingers. Take it easy, chief.

I'm not a criminal or anything. I needed to get fingerprinted for my new job. I guess it's a thing with federal employees. As I understand it, I should be starting my new data entry position with the post office within the next few weeks.

That went off without a hitch, other than to say I was solicited by the Army. A guy cloaked in fatigues sitting next to me in the waiting room at the police station (for reasons passing understanding) couldn't seem to help but heckle me about why I've never considered joining the military. I guess I didn't have a good enough answer because he left me his card.

I'm not good with taking orders and, you know, discipline. Best I steer clear.

On the way home I dropped by the ATM so as to be loaded with cash when making my Pepsi purchase for the month. I kind of like 36 cans for 22 cents each. It feels a lot nicer than dropping a buck in a vending machine. But I digress.

This day, compared with others this summer, was particularly productive for me, which is shocking. If you must know, it was driven by going without internet access all last night. I wasn't sure I'd be able to live through an entire day that way. (The only way I can live without the web is when I'm traveling or already in the mountains. Go figure.)

Far Away: The other day I was yammering on about those Google Maps and sharing pictures of interesting places. Well I thought of a bunch more interesting places to see from the sky. Check them out: Space shuttle launch pad; Niagara Falls; The Golden Gate Bridge; Hoover Dam; Mount Rushmore; and The Eiffel Tower. More later.

2005-08-07T13:56:00.000-04:00

I have more Iceland pictures this week. This is Gullfoss. It's a massive series of waterfalls that produces a rainbow from almost any vantage point. The picture hardly does it justice.

A Bird's Eye View

2005-08-06T22:12:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » Intentional Heartache by Dwight Yoakam
Current Hit Count On This Blog » 1,155
Big News » A judge in Texas sentenced a guy (who sexually abused his daughter) to 320 hours of crocheting. Dead serious. We can only hope he ends up stabbing himself.

Now, today's story...

I came across a new (possibly new, I'd never seen it before) feature of Google just the other day. Maps. Yes, maps. But not just maps. Maps with satellite imagery.

There's something about seeing the planet from the vantage point of, well, space. Everything just seems so insignificant. And it becomes increasingly more obvious that we really are all living on the same rock.

Really though, pardon my fascination, but I can't help myself. Looking at my house and surrounding town from an angle perpendicular to that which I've become accustomed to. It's weird. And dare I say it's kind of cool

First, there's my state — should be fairly obvious. Zoom in a little to my city. If the peninsula within a peninsula didn't give it away, that's Tampa. And zoom in as close as possible and you can see my house. Who knew we had a gray roof?

Oh, and there's tons more pictures where that came from. For instance, I've been stuck on wanting to go back to Iceland for some time now. Well, Google's maps don't exactly spell out every inch of the Icelandic countryside. You'd even be hard-pressed to find the names of a given city within the Scandinavian nation.

I was able to figure all of that out as a result of my own personal ingenuity. For example, right here is the airport in Keflavik. To the east is the city itself. My guess is we came in on the south runway considering I remember seeing a lot of vegetation-free volcanic rock below before we actually hit the ground. A lot more than there is before the west runway.

Over here is an overhead image of the glacier that we visited just over four years ago today. Its name is Myrdalsjökull. If you can correctly pronounce that, give yourself ten points. It's not one of the bigger ones, but it was still just as amazing.

Unfortunately I was a little disappointed by Google when trying to locate specific points within the Icelandic capital of Reykjavik. The problem is it's just bad imagery. See for yourself. And for the record, this is the entire island in all of its glory.

But don't think I'm done. Some of the more interesting sights I found were these: The Gateway Arch in St. Louis; The Hollywood sign in California; The Statue of Liberty in New York; A London trifecta of Westminster Abbey, the House of Parliament and Big Ben; The Washington Monument; and Mandalay Bay Resort & Casino in Las Vegas.

It's just such an unusual way to look at things. I'm sure you recognized every one of those places even though you've never actually viewed them from that perspective.

If I find anything else of interest, I'll be sure to let you know. In the mean time, head on over to Google Maps if you're so inclined.

Until next time.

One Crazy Week: Catch up on this week's trades and signings in my hockey blog. Plenty of great players are switching teams this summer. Among them are Paul Kariya, Peter Forsberg, Adam Foote, Brian Leetch, Alexei Zhamnov, Ziggy Palffy, Scott Niedermayer and Nikolai Khabibulin (much to my dismay).

2005-08-05T14:28:00.000-04:00

In February 2004, we got the chance to go wait outside the Lightning's locker room and get autographs. Here, Jason is getting ready to have his jersey signed by goalie Nikolai Khabibulin. I'm posting this picture because, as of today, Nik is now a Chicago Blackhawk. It's horrible. You can read more about it in my hockey blog.

2005-08-04T23:44:00.000-04:00

I want to go back to Iceland. It's been five years. That's too long. Look at that beach. I'm going back soon.

2005-08-02T19:17:00.000-04:00

Here's what Jason was referring to in a comment on Saturday's picture. Who knows what he did to spook that horse but my mom got lucky enough to catch the horse with her camera in mid-tantrum.

Lost In Every Sense

2005-08-01T20:59:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » It's All How You Look At It by Tracy Lawrence
Days Until NHL Opening Night » 65
Big News » The space dudes are going on another spacewalk, this time to repair some minor shuttle damage. That should be fun.

Now, today's story...

With the Burger King Incident of 2005 having long since past the point when I stopped understanding, I'd prefer to distance myself from it entirely. It was a silly story wherein I took a little poetic license so as to emphasize some goofy moments. There are people right now orbiting the planet, risking life and limb to repair a vehicle they need just to get home. And we can't agree to disagree?

Doesn't matter. Happily moving on.

But speaking of outer space, I was just thinking last night about some movies I really like. (Who knows why.) And I don't like many movies, mostly because the characters are so underdeveloped, it doesn't really matter to me what happens to them. But as always, there are a few exceptions.

When the characterization flies out the window, the next best thing is the story. It's got to be an intriguing story while at the same time being told well. One of my favorites was based on a Michael Crichton book called Sphere. (The reading material was naturally superior to those fancy moving pictures.)

If you never read/seen it, the story revolves around a mysterious, massive craft found at the bottom of the Pacific. And when I say massive, I mean massive. Navy Intel ages the thing about 3,000 leading to the obvious conclusion that it could not possibly be man made.

A crew is put together to investigate and find out what it is and where it came from. They make their way inside and start finding American flags and trash cans. Furthering the mystery part. They also find a funky spherical object inside. It has no doors, no openings, no seams. Yet one by one the crew members each manage to find their way in, later exiting with some frightening new abilities.

The big idea behind the story was that it was an American ship built hundreds of years in the future, think 2200s, 2300s. They roamed the universe apparently meeting up with alien beings, one of which created this Sphere that's freaking everybody out. Obviously they realized this thing was bad and thought it best to send it back in time 3,000 to the bottom of the ocean where no one would ever find it. They almost had it.

Then there's Mission To Mars, Red Planet, Frequency and other such sci-fi movies. I'm not that big into science fiction, but when they have stories that make you think that much, to me it's so worth it.

All this got me thinking about the mythology behind my textual series, The Chosen, one of my other blogs. I have some pretty weird ideas that I'd rather not say just yet so as not to spoil future chapters for those three loyal readers I have. In essence, the tag line is: "What if God isn't who we think he is?"

I know, blasphemous. But I live in America. And that's the way it is. Question everything, that's one of my philosophies. Get a little proof before making your mind up for good.

I know, enough philosophizing, I'm putting you to sleep.

Speaking of putting you to sleep, I got another one of those emails from the writers of Lost. They tell me that they've written the first few episodes of the new season and began production on July 28.

They also give episode titles and writers. The first is "Man of Science, Man of Faith" (penned by Damon Lindelof), the second is "Adrift" (by Steven Maeda and Leonard Dick), a third will be "Orientation" (as told by Javier Grillo-Marxuach and Craig Wright).

But the best news in the world is that exactly one month from Saturday, I will own the entire first year on DVD.

And that was one scatter-brained post.

Catch Yourself Up: In case you haven't read the first 18 chapters of The Chosen, they're still there waiting for you. I've archived the first 18 chapters calling them Part I. Basically, Part I was just meant to familiarize the reader with the characters. In Part II, we'll dive into the big premise. The plan is to finish off with a third part that wraps up the series.

2005-07-31T00:45:00.000-04:00

It just seems to fit. It's a Burger King creation called a Swiss Bacon Cheeseburger, and as I understand it, you don't exactly find them on this side of the Atlantic. This particular sandwich we had to go all the way to London for.

Fit For A King, Part II

2005-07-30T22:57:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » Laffin' At Life by Chet Atkins
Season 2 Premiere of Lost » September 21
Big News » Some sadly underpaid doc had to poke and prod Dubya today for his annual physical. He's peachy, by the way.

Now, today's story...

Time for the rest of of the Burger King story. You're probably so ecstatic you can't stand it. But, if you haven't read the first part, now's your chance to catch up. I'll wait for you.

Ready? Okay.

My nutty buddies. Liz and Cortney. Well, they were just fuming over this french fry bungling, this injustice incurred upon them. Frightfully unhappy.

Lighten up already.

Like that could happen. I was harrassed for my mockery of the situation and quite simply put through the ringer for holding a different opinion. But life is full of varying opinions so no one's is or should be any less or more important than another's. On that I do not argue.

On the other hand it's the way in which they were raised apparently that bothers me the most. It may be a feminist thing but being of the male gender and thoroughly uneducated in the condition of a woman's role in society, I could just be talking crazy. Likely? But the way I understand it, is they inherited their aggressive natures from their mothers. That being the case, they only fueled each other's fire for revenge.

Desperately they want not to be seen or categorized as a "pushover." And not that I blame them. But in my book, feeling slighted by a fast food employee (if that doesn't have an entire connotation all its own) expresses either some inferiority issues or quite possibly competitive edge that could slice a diamond.

I certainly don't mean to belittle my friends as I don't believe that they are wrong. Perhaps misguided, but as stated previously, everyone is entitled to an opinion. They are two of the smartest people I know leading me to wonder why they were so upset by this, keeping in mind they lost nothing in monetary value. Ego, really, if anything.

Throughout lunch I begged them not to go through with a plan that I can only compare to an 8-year-old tattling to mommy on her little brother for picking his nose. Dare I say that at the table, though. My life would've been stripped from me so fast I wouldn't know what happened. The blog feels safer. There's that cyber distance.

They were not to be talked down, however, as once they emptied their trays it was off to see mommy— er, the manager. Check that, assistant manager. Who couldn't have looked more bored. Truthfully, had I been him (and God save me I'll never don a BK button-up), I would have been cracking up on the inside.

I'm not saying FFG wasn't rude, but in the scheme of things, who really cares? To be a member of a society where people are at peace, you have to be able to lighten up and not take yourself so seriously. FFG may not be Fulbright scholar, but she should be permitted to take the edge off a little.

I don't know her personally. And while I'm not one to speculate, let's just say for argument's sake she was having a bad day. To lighten the mood, to lighten the load of her and those around her, she cracked a joke. She's no Jerry Seinfeld, but she giggled and her co-worker giggled. Mood lightened.

And don't be misled. It was not a joke at the expense of Cortney or Liz. They just chose to see it that way because they felt they had been slighted (I'm still trying to wrap my head around that part too). It was a decent girl with a crappy job trying to get by whose only mistake was allowing her over-zealous customers to hear her remarks.

Anyway, having said my peace for tonight, I'd like to address one more insignificant issue. First, read Cortney's post on this topic. Now let me ask this, and I may be echoing Jason's comment, but is it really now considered "creepy" to be on time to a scheduled lunch? Should I not have sat down? Should I have stood? Should I have stood outside to wait an unknown amount of time? Should I have instead been late?

Here's something. If anything, I find it more "creepy" (even though "unusual" is a more appropriate term) that Liz and Cortney both walked in the door at the same time even though they drove in separate cars.

Ponder that one.

For a final thought, anyone who sided with Liz and Cortney on this (and I'm not faulting you) and I suggest this to them too, you need to laugh at life more. I'm no shrink, but for anybody whose nose gets bent out of shape over an unsurprisingly dull-witted fast food jockey's flub, you really need to inject a little more enjoyment into your life.

If you can honestly tell me I'm wrong, I'd be happy to hear a good argument.

Here's A Quarter: In case you care, and even though it's just as trivial as a BK fry-flinger making a funny, I passed my typing test today for the United States Postal Service. I topped the recommended seven-lines-per-minute benchmark. Actually I doubled it. Interview is next month and a month after that I start training. Woo. Hoo. Stop it.

2005-07-30T14:57:00.000-04:00

It's a rare photograph of me. Even more rare is that I'm on a horse. That was when I was in North Carolina four years ago. I haven't ridden a horse since then. Not for any particular reason or anything.

Fit For A King, Part I

2005-07-29T21:46:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » Come Back by The Warren Brothers
Days Until 2005 NHL Entry Draft » 1
Big News » Astronomers think they've found proof of a possible tenth planet in our solar system. It's bigger than Pluto. So it's at least the size of a dime.

Now, today's story...

One of the things I love about hanging out with Liz and Cortney is their uncanny ability to turn a silly situation into an acrimonious one. If nothing else, it's the entertainment value.

The three of us decided that, since we hadn't gotten together since bowling, Friday would be a good day for lunch. At Burger King. Mind you, this is no more than a day after I watched Super Size Me for the sixth time.

Obviously that gives you a clue I didn't choose the destination, nor did I object. I was in enough trouble as it was what with my disagreeable nature and all. Ask them. So there we were. At Burger King.

They wanted to try these new chicken fries. Or something. Personally, I'm partial to the Tendercrisp when faced with a fast food decision.

I realize at this point I haven't done much to prepare you. But let me just preface the rest of this post by saying that I did nothing more than play the part of the reluctant observer. Making my view hopefully that much more objective. We'll see what happens.

I ordered first because, well, you know Liz and Cortney. And if you don't you can just pretend. Even though they knew exactly what they wanted (the aforementioned chicken fries), they still needed extra time to — I don't know. Doesn't really matter.

The girl at the counter took my order and I took my cup and poured a drink. Then back to the counter to wait on my food. It's ready and I remember I need ketchup, only it's gonna be a minute because this girl is a little tied up with Cortney and Liz's orders.

First thing, she asks them if they minded their orders on the same tray. Obviously they were together and this seems simple enough to understand since the tables in the restaurant aren't exactly large. Ironic, since you'd figure The BK wants to squeeze in as many oversized individuals as possible. (Try not to take offense to the retarded things I write.)

The point of the previous paragraph wherein I got a little off track was that neither of them spoke up. They simply nodded/did nothing in agreement with French Fry Girl's idea.

But FFG isn't exactly a regular on the figure skating circuit so, naturally, her axle needs a little work. As she turned, one of the two cups of fries tipped over on the tray spilling onto the floor. Oops. No big deal. She grabbed a new cup of fries, put it on the tray then added more fries to the tipped cup — more total fries than any two humans could safely eat.

It was at that point I noticed the grimace on Liz's face. And we're off to the races. Cortney and Liz head out to find a table while I ask FFG for some ketchup. She handed me about two dozen so left about 20 on the counter. Who needs 24 ketchup packets for a medium french fry? I'd be shocked to discover there were 24 fries in that cup. No complaints, just saying.

While I sifted through the sea of ketchup packets, FFG laughs to her friend, "It was either those or the ones on the floor," obviously having noticed Liz's less-than-pleased expression. To myself I laughed at her joke. Who wouldn't? It was funny. It sounded like something I'd say. (Not to imply that I think I'm funny or anything.)

At that point I walked back to the table to find that Liz and Cortney steaming. Apparently, French Fry Girl had really pushed some buttons. But if you want to know about that, consult tomorrow's post. I feel I've done enough typing for one night.

And you've done enough reading.

Slowly But Surely: Remember that Post Office job I'm pretty sure I've been talking about for almost three months now? Phase II finally goes forward tomorrow. The typing test. It should be a breeze, much like the written exam. And damn if it isn't right smack in the middle of the 2005 NHL Draft. More on that in the hockey blog.

2005-07-28T20:28:00.000-04:00

People used to be able to drive under the waterfall on that little road back there. Then the ledge broke off and fell on the road (sorry to disappoint, it didn't hit anyone). It's in North Carolina on the way to the cabin.

Milling Around

2005-07-26T23:35:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » Snow In July by Garth Brooks as... Chris Gaines (anyone else remember that?)
Current Hit Count On This Blog » 1,050
Big News » The shuttle finally went up today!

Now, today's story...

I haven't written in a few days, so I feel I have a duty to figure out something tonight. That said, I got nothing. But why should that stop me?

So I'll use a comment on my previous post as a jumping off point. Elissa asked, this afternoon, two questions.

I have 2 questions for you. 1) Where is Mabry Mill because I seem to remember having heard of it? 2)Did you snap your picture from the sign, thus having a picture like everyone else or is yours unique?

First, I want to commend her on a proper use of the word "thus." It's hard to find folks with such a gift.

Now to answer the first question, Mabry Mill can be found along the Blue Ridge Parkway in your home state of Virginia. Your second question, however, is troublesome in that I was being my usual sarcastic self when commenting on a sign directing lost tourists where to stand and how to point their camera.

There is no sign. Or if there is, I have no actual recollection of it. To further my joke, though, there is this web site (among others) featuring photographs, from the same vantage point as mine. This also happens to be the first site that comes up when you Google Mabry Mill.

I don't really remember much of the place, but its one of the hot spots my grandparents hit whenever they're up in North Carolina with me, my brothers, or cousins.

I hope this nonsense has been thoroughly informative. And if it hasn't, then all I can offer you is the date of the new NHL's opening night: October 5, 2005.

Objection! Relevance?

Sorry, I watched too many episodes of The Practice today. Great show. Even better is Boston Legal. And that segues into the second season premiere date which ABC just released today. September 27. Save the date. Or don't.

Speaking of which. Lost comes back September 21. And Alias on September 29.

But I digress. The other thing I wanted to mention tonight was the City of Tampa's decision to shout its professional athletic success from the rooftops — or road signs at the very least.

Mayor Pam Iorio unveiled the new signs today that read "Welcome To Tampa: City of Champions." Underneath it lists the Super Bowl, Arena Bowl, and of course the Stanley Cup among our town's sports titles.

Our local FOX affiliate, WTVT, aired this segment on the news this evening about the new signs.

Speaking of Video: I also happen to have the promo that Sun Sports has been airing to advertise the new season of my defending Stanley Cup champions. You can watch that by clicking here.

2005-07-25T20:09:00.000-04:00

This here was one of the multitude of stops made as part of my 1998 road trip up the east coast. It's Mabry Mill. And it is a tourist hotspot. If I remember right, there's even a sign telling you where to take your photo so without going into the gift shop, every single visitor can have the same picture. How original.

2005-07-23T20:57:00.000-04:00

Big Ben and the London Eye. This is one of the photos I took when I was in the UK back in 2000. Turns out I have more than I thought. Like you care.

2005-07-22T22:58:00.000-04:00

This is a shot from the creek on the North Carolina property. I set the camera on a rock. Obviously. Go read about hockey today! It is so back, baby!

Gearing Up Again

2005-07-21T23:14:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » Dream Big by Ryan Shupe & The RubberBand
Days Until 2005 NHL Entry Draft » 9
Big News » Yesterday, wannabe terrorists with brains smaller than pecans tried to set off more bombs in London's transit system. And when I say "tried," I mean attempted and failed. Seriously, how addled do you have to be to build a bomb that doesn't explode?

Now, today's story...

With the NHL Players' Association having completed the formality of ratifying the new Collective Bargaining Agreement, it's finally starting to feel like hockey is really coming back.

It feels like it's been forever. The only reason I can remember the date of the last hockey game I went to is that my team was trapsing around with the Stanley Cup at the end of it. (FYI: It was Monday, June 7, 2004.)

But now the players have agreed on the CBA and hockey can get back to normal. Of course it won't exactly be "normal." From everything I've read the CBA involves a lot of rule changes, not the least of which is the very real possibility that there may never be another tie game again due to the insertion of shootouts into even games.

There's that and a bunch more. I understand the league will be announcing some/most/all of those changes tomorrow afternoon during the Draft Lottery. Speaking of which, more evidence that we're getting back on track. Since ESPN is throwing a hissy over last year's NHL work stoppage they won't be airing the event. That said, NHL.com will be streaming it live (notice the carefully placed links in those last two sentences).

I'll be watching it for sure. And as soon as it is over, I'll be writing up my first official blog post. I call it "official" because if you go there now, there's already one post. It's a short write-up about the point of the site and, well, an explanation of the title. You'll see what I mean.

Anyway, it looks like it's really gonna happen. It's pretty exciting knowing that within the next three months I'll get to see the Lightning raise their first Stanley Cup Championship banner to the rafters. (Yes, I said "first.")

It all starts tomorrow. In my head, the Draft Lottery will be the official end of that horrible lockout and the official beginning of the "new" NHL and the 2005-06 season.

Next Saturday is the draft. It is also (if you're that interested in my life) the day of my USPS typing exam. Yeah, that job I've been trying to get for months now. Turns out the post office is just as slow as you think they are. Maybe slower.

Yet I digress. The point is as soon as the draft is over, I imagine players are going to be changing teams like mad. With a year of no hockey, contracts all over the league have been screwed up and there will be a ton of free agents. But I have no doubt the Lightning will get their top Stanley Cup performers back.

Then when September rolls around, it'll be training camp time. I can't wait.

RinkWorks SKL: That is the title of my new hockey blog to be launched tomorrow (though technically it's available for your reading pleasure at this very moment). RinkWorks SKL. I explain it in the first post. So go read it.

2005-07-20T19:16:00.000-04:00

My Bolts are coming back! My new hockey blog launches tomorrow after the NHL Draft Lottery. Until then...

The Master Plan, Part II

2005-07-19T21:16:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » One Moment More by Mindy Smith
Current MP3 Count » 5,106
Big News » Dubya made the first Supreme Court nomination in 11 years. His choice was Judge John Roberts.

Now, today's story...

I see you managed to hold out on getting the second part of that prank story. That said, if you haven't read yesterday's post, go back and do it now. It will make today's story that much funnier.

We were just at the part where I ran back into the room and forced Jason away from my computer. Seems he'd been IMing Elissa, pretending to be me. I could see why she believed him. Reading through it, it sure did sound like me.

Like I said, Elissa had called my cell phone. The connection was staticy so I wasn't sure what she heard, though I'm sure she heard me removing Jason. We talked for a couple of minutes, I, of course, completely confused. Then we lost the connection altogether.

In the time before she called back, Jason filled me in on everything he had done, start to finish. It seems Liz (of all people) was in a prankster mood the other day and had suggested to Elissa that messing with me might be fun. But since I wasn't around, Liz, like a mature individual, moved on. Elissa pressed on with pranking me, though, by enlisting Jason's help.

Jason proceded to pretend to go along with Elissa's plan, meanwhile coming up with ideas in his own mind for getting her back. But you would assume that after confusing her so much that she couldn't tell who was telling the truth (with regard the faux VT scholarship), enough was enough.

But not for us. Getting her once wasn't a grand enough gesture. This Queen of Pranking had to be stopped. We got her a second time during the telephone conversation wherein I pretended not to know what had happened. And that leads us to the third time we got her — right now. I am writing this blog to let her know that I was a co-conspirator the entire time — in the room every step of the way. Phony phone call and everything.

Jason and I should write a book called "How To Prank A Prankster." Don't misunderstand, we aren't aggressive pranksters. We only mess with other people in defense of our own honor. And we can't claim to be the best since doing so would just be daring someone to try and prank us, but let's face it, that was a job well done.

Chances are good that Elissa won't be making the same mistake in the future. Hopefully we've taught you your lesson. Her biggest complaint about this whole thing is what cracked me up the most. Under the title heading "Honor Among Thieves," Elissa thought it unthinkable that Jason (her perceived co-conspirator) could betray her so mercilessly. Indeed, she must have forgotten all the times she pranked and mocked him in the past.

It was our master plan to outprank the biggest prankster we knew. And it was very well executed. We had her every step of the way.

And, Elissa, while you might take offense to all of this, never forget that you brought it all on yourself.

Have a terrific day.

Nameless: Still at a loss for a good title for my hockey blog, here. I still have two days. But right now I'm leaning on "On The Fly" as a backup. Let me know what you think if you aren't too busy. Yes, you!

2005-07-18T23:17:00.000-04:00

Look, more flowery pictures from North Carolina. Check out those crack-of-dawn dew drops. Just wait until you read Part II of The Master Plan tomorrow. It will crack you up.

The Master Plan, Part I

2005-07-18T23:07:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » Devil's Working Overtime by Drew Womack
Shows Covered On Roll Credits » 3
Big News » Dirt-digging folks found some neato cups and dishes from 2,000 years ago in the volcanic ash of what was once Pompeii. No joke.

Now, today's story...

Something happened tonight. Something hilarious. A story I couldn't wait to tell.

Jason, my 18-year-old brother, is quite possibly one of the nicest people on the planet. A straight-up, no-holds-barred, goodie two-shoes. He plays hockey (and could quite possibly die without it). Tonight he did something that varied slightly from that description.

Elissa, my 18-year-old friend from Virginia, loves nothing more than a good online prank. The kind where you use an instant messenger to create a total fakeout. She goes to Virginia Tech. Tonight, she wanted Jason to help her prank me.

The irony between the two of them is that their birthdays are just two days apart: Jason is August 27 and Elissa is August 25 (both 1986). Yet due to age policies in Florida around 1993, Jason repeated kindergarten. For this reason, Jason just graduated high school and Elissa just finished up her freshman year in college.

Elissa misunderstood Jason's relationship with me and apparently completely forgot the fact that, on more than one occasion, she has tried to prank Jason. Last year, she coaxed me into messing with him. But we quickly turned it around on her, giving her a dose of her own medicine. She's also mercilessly mocked Jason more than a few times. Yet tonight she thought they could suddenly be buddies.

It all started about quarter to 9:00 tonight. Elissa and Jason were talking when suddenly he announced he got in the mail today a full-ride scholarship to VT. He played this as a normal occurrence, saying he had been getting scholarships all summer long. Thrilled, Elissa began telling him all about the school and even offered to make a video to send to him.

Through this, Jason played down his love of hockey, worrying she may start to think it was a joke. At some point along the way, my screen name popped up and Elissa started chatting with me. Only it wasn't me. The whole time I had been in the living room watching a movie on the big HDTV. Jason was running back and forth between my computer and his, giving contradictory stories.

On his side, he'd say he was looking over his VT scholarship packet. On mine, he'd tell her there was no such packet in existence. On his, he was handing it to me. On mine, it never happened. This back and forth went on for some time, all the while Elissa believing Jason and I were both trying to mess with her.

That was the first one. Jason had confused her so much, she didn't know what to believe. She couldn't be sure if Jason was lying, I was lying, or we both were lying. This pranking "reality" had gotten out of hand.

Probably to chew me out, she called me on the phone. After she asked what I was talking about online, I walked to my computer and found Jason typing away. I shouted at him to remove himself.

Now, if you've been reading my blog for the last three months, you might remember Hell Hotel. In order to convey the story best, I divided it up into two separate posts on two separate days. So now that we're at the good part of this story, I'm gonna leave you hanging until tomorrow. If you want to know how the story ends (and let me preface that by saying there was a twist you probably won't see coming), you'll have to hang out another day.

Another Plug: I have to once again make mention of Roll Credits, probably a stupid move since none of you seem interested. (Scrubs is my latest addition.) Still, I think I've been doing a decent job on this site. Humor me. Or don't. It's up to you, really. I know you know.

2005-07-17T22:15:00.000-04:00

Wondering what that is? It's all explained in tonight's post. Read below.

She Was A Killer

2005-07-17T22:13:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » Go Home by Steve Holy
Current Hit Count On This Blog » 1,007 (finally cracked a thousand)
Big News » The new Harry Potter book is out. Or hadn't you already heard? Yeah, you probably have yours already.

Now, today's story...

All right, so depending on how you look at it, this is either a really funny story or really pathetic story. You can be the judge. And if it's the latter, I don't need to know about it.

Ironically, just last Tuesday I happened to mention my old LEGO interest/hobby/habit/crutch in a post about NASA and the space program. This is ironic because last night Jason and Mark (my brothers, sadly) unearthed two bins worth of old LEGOs.

Why did they do this? To compete against each other in Robot Wars of the LEGO variety. Why did they do this? Even God doesn't know. But they began building these LEGO vehicles to ram into one another. Yes, for real.

Mark built a small, intricate little booger he called The Cannon-mobile. Why The Cannon-mobile? Because it looked like a cannon, the front part serving as a battering ram. Unfortunately I don't have pictures of it because before I thought of it, Jason's Brick destroyed it. Yes, in Brick vs. Cannon-mobile, Brick was king.

Well I had no intention of getting in on this, thank you. See, I couldn't understand how anyone could waste hours of their day away designing a LEGOmobile only to slam it into another one. This is fun? I guess.

They sucked me in. At first I just wanted to watch them build. Then I started having ideas and tossing them random suggestions. But they wouldn't listen. So I decided to put my ideas to my own use. But it was no use.

I was impressed by the explosions of LEGO blocks all over the room. You know how we Americans just love violence. We love it to death. Take a look at any movie made in the last 10 years. But I digress. I decided to build a vehicle, that when facing the Brick, would explode into more pieces than a suicide bomber. That wasn't funny.

I started construction on the Explodomobile promptly after dinner. I worked on it anywhere from 15 to 90 minutes (you lose track of time doing these things). It was perfect, complete with a little red-headed LEGO girl inside (we'll call her Liz) and a white stallion strapped to the top. I used that skinny balloon because the rule was you could use anything that was in the LEGO box. Well, I don't why it was there, but it damn sure was. It held the horse on very nicely.

I showed it off for a while and had it pose for portraits. Then came the moment of truth. Matt demanded I play him first to prove myself. I had been telling everyone I built it to explode. But the secret truth was I built it to be the best. And damned if it didn't blow Matt's crappy little thing away. Expolodmobile won her first match. And last.

Yeah, she took some pretty good damage that I was unable to repair. End of story.

But it was a good run though. I have lots of pictures. So you never know, I may rebuild her one day and fight her once again. This time, against the Brick. Just check out those pictures. She was a killer.

Witness For Yourself: I videotaped some of tonight's nonsense. If you make the questionable decision to watch, you'll see amateur-designed LEGO cars exploding as they are rammed together. It's a complete waste of time, but if it doesn't make you laugh, you are a soul-less thug. As soon as I have it finished, you'll be able to click here to download and watch it (if you must).

2005-07-16T23:26:00.000-04:00

This is a picture of our property in North Carolina. You may be asking yourself why the cabin's not in the picture. That's easy. The cabin was behind me when I shot the picture. Good thinking.

2005-07-15T13:06:00.000-04:00

North Carolina. 2001. Four years later it's all overgrown because no one mows down there anymore. But we used to hang out down there all the time. And in case you were wondering, that is some ice cold water.

Life Is Worth Living

2005-07-14T23:22:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » Hand Of Fate by Sons Of The Desert
Days Until 2005 NHL Entry Draft » 16
Big News » Now nobody is sure just when the shuttle will go up. Wait, that's not news. Damn.

Now, today's story...

It has been killing me that it's taken so long to get to writing about the day of glory that was Wednesday. It's the return of hockey, after 10 long months, during which I was sure I'd die.

Obviously I didn't, but it wasn't for lack of trying.

So, while it's not yet official, the NHL is coming back. Next Thursday the draft lottery will be held. Everybody has a pretty even chance this year since nobody won the Stanley Cup in 2005. But the likelihood of the Lightning getting in the Top 10 is very poor. The 2005 NHL Entry Draft itself will be held on July 30.

I can feel it now. Hockey is coming back.

If Tampa GM Jay Feaster thought building a Cup winner was a challenge, how about keeping one together in the new NHL? The word is ownership wants to keep the finances toward the middle of the cap range, but Feaster remains hopeful he can return the big pieces, Vincent Lecavalier, league MVP Martin St. Louis and defensive star Dan Boyle. Netminder Nikolai Khabibulin seems to have found a home in Tampa. Although he's an unrestricted free agent, he is likely to sign for less to stay with the Bolts. Opponents hoping Tampa Bay is flash in the pan are in for a disappointment. Look for this team to emerge from the lockout darkness pretty much in tact and ready for a solid championship defense. Even creaky, ageless Dave Andreychuk could return for the Cup defense at age 42.

That's how ESPN feels about the Lightning in the upcoming season. I feel the same.

This is pretty exciting. I've been a Lightning fan for 13 years now (that's as long as they've been around) and seeing them win the Stanley Cup (a feat I never imagined I'd see in my lifetime) only to have the NHL go on hiatus right afterwards, you can imagine my paranoia: Tampa Bay winning the Stanley Cup actually killed hockey.

But we all know that's not true. And like the smart folks at ESPN said, we're not going anywhere. They've spent years creating a team that could compete, a team that won the Cup, no less. Even if we lose a few guys here and there, the sense of who this team is will still be intact.

I heard a sports reporter on TV joke about how the NHL might have trouble getting fans to come back after a fiasco like this that caused the cancellation of an entire season. She said that it's like Tampa Bay will have very little trouble putting asses in seats considering the last time those guys were on the ice they were carrying around a big silver trophy with some pretty impressive names engraved on it.

I'm with her.

So there it is, life is once again worth living. If for no other reason than the return of hockey. I wanted to insert "triumphant" but that remains to be seen. Needless to say, I'll be there on opening night at the Ice Palace (screw the "Forum") when the Bolts raise their first (of what will be many) championship banners.

The Puck Drops: I'm still thinking up a name for my new hockey blog. But rest assured I'll have it by July 21 for that is the day of the first official NHL event of the 2005 season. The draft lottery will be held and I will be right there on the new blog to report on it (in my own special way).

2005-07-14T22:15:00.000-04:00

Had to post another hockey picture since I'm getting ready to write about hockey. I took this back in '99 at that Lightning-Isles game.

300 AND DONE!

2005-07-13T13:24:00.000-04:00

Hockey Is Back!

I'm sure I'll be writing all about it later. But until then, just know this: after 301 days in lockout, the NHL and the NHLPA finally saw eye to eye on the new Collective Bargaining Agreement, and pending an all but certain ratification next week, come October, professional hockey will be returning to an arena near you!

This is the best day ever!

Ever!

Okay, well it can't hold a candle to the day the Lightning won the Cup, but dammit hockey is coming back!

Celebrate it!

It's What's Next

2005-07-12T22:27:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » World On Fire by Sarah McLachlan & Robbie Robertson (Promotional Theme for TNT's "Into The West")
Current Hit Count On This Blog » 980
Big News » Missouri cops are looking into the possibility that they may have carried out the death penalty on an innocent dude. Ten years ago. Gee, seems a little late now.

Now, today's story...

As long as everything goes as planned tomorrow, there's no good reason why the first space shuttle liftoff in almost two-and-a-half years shouldn't take place tomorrow around 4 P.M.

This is good news because for a while it has seemed like the universe has been mocking me. Not literally, of course. But consider that not mere months after my team, my Tampa Bay Lightning, actually won the Stanley Cup, hockey went into extended hiatus.

"We'll be back, but we don't know quite when. And, yes, we know we don't have a whole lot of fans south of the border of the Great White North, but go ahead and hang in there anyway, guys."

By the way, still no word on the return of the hockey season.

Then there's Alias. Finally a good television show comes along in 2001, right? Only, no, wait. After two years, it starts circling the drain. Two good years followed by two bad years (I'd say so-so if I weren't exaggerating) followed by the final year. That's right. According to anonymous sources inside ABC and, well, common sense, 2006 will spell the end of Alias.

I guess the point of my whining about all of that there you just read has to deal with the space program in the United States — NASA to be more specific.

There was a time, back when I was about three feet tall, when I wanted to become an astronaut. I'd seen the video on the news of those guys floating around in their tin can. And pictures of Earth from about a million miles away.

I'm not even ashamed to say that (during my LEGO phase) I had a kit with which I could actually built a space shuttle. (I still have the LEGO man with the astronaut helmet.)

Anyhow, suffice to say that when I learned what goes into becoming an astronaut, the fascination dissolved pretty quickly. It's not that I'm lazy (which I am), but that I found things that were of more interest to me.

That said, I still read up on every space shuttle mission because it's such an unusual thing. Leaving the planet. Come on. I love those movies too. Apollo 13. Red Planet. Mission To Mars was my favorite because of the storyline.

I've always figured that one day, if I ever get to be a big television producer, I'll write a show about astronauts and aliens. Aliens who actually created humans and put them on Earth. Would you watch that?

I got excited a few years ago when ABC announced a show called Astronauts during pilot season. It never made it past the pilot though. However, since they did film the two-hour show there's still a chance ABC might one day air it as a movie. Problem is, in the past few years, Americans haven't been to crazy about space travel.

Okay, so now I'll tie all of the aforementioned nonsense together by saying how glad I am to see we're finally going back into space. It's part of human evolution. We've conquered the planet. Now it's time to move on to what's next.

Keep Rolling: You know my new web site, Roll Credits, has only been up a few days, but I'm shocked to discover that I have had no visitors. (And by "shocked," I of course mean not surprised even a little bit.) What's with you people? Just go look at it. It won't waste that much of your time. I swear. Okay, do what you want. Clearly, you're going to anyway.

P.S.: Comment here to let me know what you think of it. Okay?

2005-07-11T23:02:00.000-04:00

We're all in need of a little more hockey lately. This is a game between the Lightning and Islanders from several years ago. I know this because 1) they're nosebleed seats and we don't sit way up there anymore, and 2) the arena was still called the Ice Palace. Go Bolts!

2005-07-10T20:57:00.000-04:00

Okay, fine, I admit it. The guilt is getting to me. I put the leaf on the rock, all right? It took about 10 seconds for the water come up over the rock and I never saw the leaf again. Oh, and this is a flower of some sort.

2005-07-09T23:42:00.000-04:00

I came across a crop of pictures I took on a 2001 trip to North Carolina. Here is the first of many. By the way, I didn't set that up. That leaf was so sitting right there. No, really!

Until That First Blackout

2005-07-09T16:16:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » Have You Ever Seen The Rain? by CCR
Days of NHL Lockout » 296
Big News » A United States Circuit Court judge actually sentenced a reporter to four months in prison for not divulging the name of a source. How do brain-dead people like that ever get appointed to the federal bench? It's remarkable, really.

Now, today's story...

I woke this morning, like most people around here, to the sound of pouring rain outside. This wasn't totally unexpected. Hurricanes do tend to move at a snail's pace and it's not like Floridians don't have the Weather Channel on instant recall. Which we do.

I showered and was in the process of shaving when Dennis, of Category 3 strength, cut out the lights on me. If you've never tried it, shaving in the dark is tricky. Shortly thereafter, I was in the kitchen eating by the very cloud-dimmed sunlight coming through the window when it hit me.

Every year when May comes around all the local TV stations turn over the reigns to their respective meteorologists who pound away: "This could be the worst hurricane season yet." And everybody just sorta nods along because, you know, we tend to forget. I mean honestly, the last storm was at least six months ago.

Then June 1 knocks on the door and politely informs us that Hurricane Season has officially begun. But with clear tropics, you could give a crap. Right?

Which leads me to my prior revelation. It's not until that first blackout that you take a little notice. Hurricane Season is here. And for the next six months, you'll flinch every time you hear a weather man come on the television. Last year made everyone a little tense. Four massive balls of wind and rain can do that.

That said, we were powerless today for only about 20 minutes at my house. It wasn't bad at all. Matter of fact, it was about 19 minutes after the power initially went out that we all decided to pass the time by playing a poker in the dark. I swear that just as the first card was dealt every light came back on. We played anyway, but how's that for irony?

Anyway, without wanting to dwell on it, I just thought I'd get it on record. I see it now. Hurricane Season 2005 is upon us.

Oh, and on a side note you folks at APC, manufacturer of my battery back-up, I'll have you know that my battery, which is supposed to last a good 30 minutes, died in about five. I'm extremely disappointed.

That's right, you heard me. Extremely.

Good News: Word on the street is the NHL Lockout could be drawing to an end and we just may have a season come October. Of course neither the NHL nor NHLPA will stipulate to that. They'd like to drag it out a little longer. Just a little bit longer.

2005-07-09T15:28:00.000-04:00

Hurricane Dennis is rolling through. More to come.

Super Mario Convict

2005-07-08T20:58:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » The Least You Can Do by Phil Collins
Current Meteorological Threat » Hurricane Dennis
Big News » The Dennis The Menace jokes make themselves.

Now, today's story...

It was around this time last year that, through my youngest brother Mark (a video game junkie), I rediscovered the glory of the little Italian plumber that Nintendo invented.

It was the the N64 version of Super Mario, the proper title of which eludes me at the moment. But it made me recall the simple pleasure of guiding the red overall-clad fellow through a series of outlandish worlds in search of big yellow stars.

Now, I wasn't good at it or anything, but I could hold my own. It was fun. I hijacked the Nintendo 64 for a few weeks while I recaptured that feeling. And then it got old, as do most things when overkill sets in.

I guess it was last Christmas that Mark got a new game system. I call it the Purple XBox. He gently corrects me, calling it a Gamecube. What do I know? There are so many damn things. How's a person to keep track? (Obviously, I'm not a video game person — hold your tongue, Brett.)

That said, I recently got the urge again after hearing Mark (talking to someone else) mention a new version of Mario for the Purple XBox. Well, by "new" I of course mean "old" but I'd never heard of it. So I asked him to teach me this game, evidently called Super Mario Sunshine. Don't ask.

Well, as is typical of the Mario series, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to collect a bunch of crap in order to save the Princess. Understood. Well, with the N64 Mario, it was simple. You walk into a picture frame and on the screen it gives you a hint as to where to find the stars you're looking for.

Ah, yes, no such luck with Sunshine. The purpose here is to collect "shinesprites" (a word Jason and Mark both seriously detest) and restore power to the Isle of Delfino. Sure. Here's the catch. The way to find these shinesprites is by essentially cleaning. Yes, cleaning. At the start of the game, you're outfitted with a water pump and your job is to spray down areas covered in a "paint-like substance."

I don't know about you, but I have to ask since when did Mario the plumber become a maid? Clean up your own crap. Leave Mario to his vacation. Only the problem is, as the game's plot goes, Mario has been incarcerated and sentenced to probation, or let's just say it: community service. His striking resemblance to the ninny who's been defacing the island is what did him in. They should've called the game Super Mario Convict.

So, record in tow, I started playing and collected the first two or three shinesprites before realizing how pointless this game is. And what I mean by that is I realized I didn't know how to find the next one. I guess there's a trick to it (there must be), but I haven't figured it out. Chances are I'll give it another shot some time in the future, but for now I'm just lost.

It wasn't the cleaning up of paint that bothered me so much (in fact, I'm sure there's a mother somewhere trying to get her kid to play out in real life what he does in the video game), but rather the fact that there were no discernible directions to guide me.

Until we meet again. Ciao.

Roll Credits: I decided to launch my new web site a day early. Roll Credits is now open for business. Only there will be no business going on. Go have a look for yourself.

2005-07-07T23:00:00.000-04:00

This is a postcard I bought when I was in London five years ago. I thought it was appropriate after what happened today.

Wading Through It

2005-07-06T22:21:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » In God We Still Trust by Diamond Rio
Current MP3 Count » 5,093
Big News » A guy who died last week had a most unusual wake. Per his family's arrangements, James Henry Smith's body was placed in a recliner facing a television set looping memorable Pittsburgh Steelers highlights. I think this goes a little past the definition of "fan." No lie.

Now, today's story...

I owe to you good people a good story, for it's been days since I've written anything of substance in this space. Then there's the minor issue of blogger's block. But fear not, I will wade through it. Nothing can hold me back.

Not even having nothing to write about.

Nothing.

So.

Weather's good. It's been good. Hurricane Dennis is creeping through the Caribbean. Hell, by the time I post this, he could very well be in the Gulf. Yeah, but he's not coming here though. No worries.

What else?

I suppose I am a little peeved by the United States Postal Service at the moment. You know I took that test recently in order to get myself set up with a job with them. Yes, well, it's been four weeks tomorrow and I have yet to receive word back from them on the status of my score. Sure, everyone knows the post office is slow, but there is a line. Isn't there?

I hope you listened to tonight's audio clip. It's a piece of a Diamond Rio's new single. This is the third cut they've promoted for their forthcoming album. Surprisingly, radio hasn't been playing their music much. The "One More Day" guys. The "I Believe" guys. For crying out loud, the "Meet In The Middle" guys. It's good music!

If you have the ability to read, then surely you know I went to see them in concert a couple weeks ago. It was an awesome show. Probably my favorite concert ever. And I've seen Brooks & Dunn. And Toby Keith. (And, if you swear not to tell anyone, the Dixie Chicks — before they started hassling Toby.)

Diamond Rio played "In God We Still Trust" along with a few other new songs that will likely end up on the new album (tentatively slated for later this year). They played the previous two singles which were "Can't You Tell" and "One Believer" as well as a pair of songs I'd never heard.

"Redneck Love Gone Bad" was prefaced by Marty Roe who expressed his hope that it was the story of a girl who dumped him in college. But he's not bitter. I Googled the song and found out that Shannon Lawson has previously recorded it. I downloaded his version, which was all right, but the Rio's is superior.

Earlier in the show they played a song that I believe is called "State of Emergency." That's kind of what it sounded like. It's so hard to understand what people are singing in concerts. All I remember is that I liked it.

So. Before I succumb to the blogger's block and call it a night, I'd like to mention a new web site I'm launching this weekend. For lack of a better idea, I've titled it "Roll Credits." If you hate TV, you can stop reading. Because that's what it's about.

I've been a regular visitor of all sorts of television web sites for many years now. That said, it troubles me that, by and large, most of these sites care little about the people who actually are responsible for making the show happen. As a future producer, I'll attempt to rectify this with my own site (that no one will visit).

Yep. So look for a link this weekend. I bet no one's reading this. They all stopped up there where I said "you can stop reading...".

That was a mistake.

Switch Off: Okay, so how lame was the "Word of the Day"? I know, right? Okay, well it will be back, of course. But for the time being, I just wanted to say that for those of you who have been holding your breath with regard to my short film "Stax" and are still alive, I have good news. It's coming this week. You'll be able to watch it and enjoy all that goodness. I promise.

You can breathe now.

2005-07-04T22:25:00.000-04:00

Another shot of Urquhart Castle on the banks of Loch Ness. No, I didn't see the "monster," but I'm tempted to Photoshop it into the background of this picture so I'll have a more interesting answer to that question.

2005-07-03T21:19:00.000-04:00

More pictures from North Carolina. Imagine that. This is a waterfall in the mountains on the Blue Ridge Parkway, another stop on my 1998 road trip.

2005-07-02T17:43:00.000-04:00

Check out the lopsided tree. I shot it in Rosman, North Carolina.

2005-07-01T12:46:00.000-04:00

Who doesn't love Lincoln? He, like, freed the slaves. And, like, kept America together with a whip and a chair. Go Abe!

I'm Just As Crazy As Anybody

2005-06-30T22:07:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » Crazy Little Thing Called Love by Queen
Current Hit Count On This Blog » 903
Big News » Mark your calendars. Humans head back to the heavens on July 13. (Watch, Hurricane Fate will step in and push it back a week conjuring memories of Neil, The Moonwalker.)

Now, today's story...

First of all, this must be clear, for anyone to assume that I neither "complain" nor "act nutty" is absolute folly. I whine and be crazy just as much as anybody else, thank you. If you're lost, sorry, I'll explain. Liz left me this comment yesterday:

Well, Chris forgets to write anything nice about other people because we all complain and act nutty besides him. I had back to back spares that he failed to mention because he was too busy talking about how I want to beat the crap out of the poor bowling alley egomaniac. *sigh* I guess some people are too prideful to laugh at themselves and lighten up. But on that note, Thank you for the gift certificates, it was appreciated even if you don't think so. But, you, personally did not go out and pay for them so we can call you a cheap ass. We just can't say you are a inconsiderate cheap ass. ;-)

Half (all right, more than half) of my blog is about complaining. I mean, it's not, but it is. It's nonsense. All of it. I don't like to give a detailed account of my day because, for one thing, no one cares. For another, I don't have the time or interest. So as a way of adding even a shred of interest to a blog lost in the masses, I write about things that make me laugh (with no expectations of making anyone else laugh).

I'm going to continue now to discredit the above quote. Liz did have back-to-back spares. This information went unmentioned in my blog simply because I didn't find it funny or unusual. Also, I forgot.

Next, my ability to laugh at myself is the only reason I can sustain a blog, wherein I mock myself and often others. If I was unable to laugh at myself, I'd have thrown myself off the Skyway long ago. People who can't laugh at themselves bother me. I know a few. They're not pleasant to be around.

I do believe everyone appreciated my gift certificates. They were given to me for free, so I felt it right to give them to other people for free. Of course I'm cheap, I really can't deny that. Aside from the fact that it only costs $2.50 per game, I refer you to here and here (previous posts wherein I mock my own thrift).

Now, back to the beginning again. I'm told I'm not willing to say anything nice about people. This coming from the one person who I recently said the nicest thing about in a post talking about my birthday party. "Liz," I wrote, "gave me the coolest birthday present I've ever gotten." That is about as nice as I'm willing to get. And friends, that is saying something.

And finally...

Word of the Day: prideful adj. having or showing arrogant superiority to and disdain of those one views as unworthy (Tomorrow's word: irony.)

2005-06-30T22:05:00.000-04:00

What? I needed to post another mountain picture. You know you like it.

Goofy Shoes

2005-06-29T23:31:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » This Is The Life by Billy Dean
Current MP3 Count » 5,085
Big News » New photos of the proposed Freedom Tower were released today. Here's one I like. This building will be built in Manhattan where the World Trade Center once stood.

Now, today's story...

I went bowling this afternoon with some friends (again, the core blog audience being the aforementioned folk). Still, I write for those of you without first-hand knowledge.

We've all been wanting to get together and do something this summer. Somebody (either Liz or me) came up with bowling. And that sounded good. As much as it's been probably almost six or seven years since I've gone, I really wanted to try my hand again. Then my mom found four or five gift certificates for free games. So I thought I'd save everybody $2.50 for no good reason. It went underappreciated. (More in a moment.)

I got to Oakfield Lanes in Brandon at about 10 minutes after 3 PM, which left me assuming I was late considering our planned meeting time of 3:00. Well, I was wrong. Brett got there only shortly before/after me. You'd have to consult him if you're constructing a timeline. (Sidenote: If you're constructing a timeline, please stop reading my blog. I'm not very comfortable with that.)

Back to the gift certificates, now. While waiting for the slow-as-molasses women (that for Brett), I decided I'd call them to let them know a surprise was waiting for them when they arrived. Only it backfired on me. Because on the phone Cortney says something about how I'm a "cheap-ass." So now I'm going to walk up and offer them free games? Still, I know the jabs come from a good place. (And if they don't, karma will have its way with them.)

We got our goofy shoes and the four of us started our game. Somehow I was elected to be first. Sounded good. I was eager to bowl again. It had been a while. It's possible the three of them didn't want to make fools of themselves, whereas I could give a crap. None of us have played in years. Who's going to mock anybody else's lack of bowling skills?

I threw a spare. My first frame of my first game since God knows how long. A spare. And everybody clammed up. Brett was up next and refused to take his turn. He demanded I bowl for him. People, on occasion, drive me up the wall. I tried my best to get him to throw the damn ball, but to no avail. So I went for him. I guttered it twice. And no, it wasn't on purpose. Why would I sabotage the game of a guy who doesn't even seem to want to play?

Then Cortney knocks a few pins over. Followed by Liz, who did the same thing I did on Brett's turn. Back to me. I never equaled that first frame for the rest of the day. The best I could shoot was a 9 (on two throws). On the other hand, I did manage to nearly win the first game. And by "nearly," I of course mean that I tied with Liz. Somehow she came out of nowhere and pulled a 79 out of her ass. Like me.

I should also mention that I got Brett to play his own game starting in the second frame, and the guy bowls a strike around frame six or seven. Craziest damn thing.

Then Gardner showed up in time to join us for a second round. Turns out he seemed to have the best bowling philosophy, which was just to fling the ball as hard as you can down the lane. He had a strike (which, because he entered his name as Malcolm, came up as Malcolm X on the screen) and more than a couple of spares. He finished the game with a 92. I was second with a 69. Nobody improved on their second game.

After we finished, everybody used the gift certificates, at which point we ran into Mr. BowlingAlleyEmployee enjoying a rare power trip. He didn't like the idea of four people using gift certificates from the same book that didn't belong to them. Liz wanted to bend him over the counter and beat the bowling balls out of him.

But all said I think we had a pretty good time, and with any luck, we'll do it again soon. And even if they don't, I am absolutely going back. Even though I sucked, that was too much fun.

It was.

Word of the Day: All right, so I'm starting a new thing to take effect the next time I blog. I'm going to write here a word and its definition and challenge my few readers to use it in a sentence via a Comment. We'll see just how many of you have brains up there. Harsh, perhaps. But your lack of current commenting warrants hit.

2005-06-28T21:40:00.000-04:00

This, from high atop the Washington Monument, was also from my '98 trip to D.C. What are all those little white things in the water? (If you say "boats," I'm going to punch you. I know they're boats.)

2005-06-26T21:28:00.000-04:00

I took this in North Carolina also on my 1998 trip. I have lots of pictures from that spot that I've taken every year I go up.

2005-06-25T22:02:00.000-04:00

I shot this photo of the U.S. Capitol when I was in Washington in 1998. The flag was at half staff because it was only days after police officers had been shot there.

2005-06-24T19:45:00.000-04:00

That was the plane that took us from Tampa to Baltimore on the UK trip. It was a rainy day. How nice.

No More Extensive Sitting

2005-06-23T23:17:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » Gravity by Alison Krauss & Union Station
Next To Watch On My DVR » The Inside
Big News » Snapple's feeble attempt at erecting the largest popsicle in a city square culminated in sticky streets. Yeah, the thing feel right to pieces. Way to go, PR guys! Keep up the good work.

Now, today's story...

I went to the Y today. Me. I know, that could be the whole story right there.

It was weird. I don't exercise. I sit in my chair more often than not doing things like writing in my blog. Well as a skinny-ass white guy who's recently noticed a slightly protruding belly, I feel now would be a good time to take up a hobby like cardio or something.

For a while now, my mom and Jason have been going to the YMCA here in Brandon every morning. Today I got up at daybreak to join them. It was way too early. But, hell, it might be worth it, right?

Everybody in my family has a card. They're all members. Not me though, and my quest for inactivity aside, a good reason for my not having one is that most of the year I live in Temple Terrace now to go to school. But, still being a member of the family I shouldn't have any trouble getting in to sweat a little, wouldn't you think?

We got there and I swear it was 7 AM. My mother and brother flashed cards and thought they might sneak me in. Enter Deputy Tightass, a behind-the-counter gnome who asked me to sign my life away. In the event one of their machines kills me, they want to keep their distance. I would too.

Sign here and here. And here. Here, here, and here. There, here, here, there, and once more over here. And you're done. Your potential injury or death is now no longer our problem. Happy treadmilling!

First things first. Jason needs a spotter so he can push 30 pounds in the air with his bare hands. You read that right. Midway throught the second set of ten things were going downhill. I didn't have to help him, though. After all, he also signed his life away at some point. But I did. Because homicide trials are no fun. Watch The Practice if you want proof of that. Great show.

Then to the treadmills, where I walked a damn mile but never left the same spot. That's how they get you. Of course it was hard to deny the eight televisions screens overhead. You just plug in your headphones and pick a TV. That I could learn to stand.

I walked a mile at 3.5 miles per hour. Go ahead, somebody mock me. Go ahead. They I rode a bike for two miles (again, not ever going anywhere, which is frustrating) at about 10 miles per hour. What, you haven't mocked me enough? Exercise is a novelty to me. I'm sure that will wear off.

The thing that surprised me though is that for the rest of the day, as much as I really just sort of sat around, I didn't feel the least bit sluggish as I have in the past. Get that heart pumping early in the day and suddenly nothing's stopping me.

Oh, quiet. If you are an exerciser, surely you know better than I do, and if you're not, can it. When I was younger I used to get all my exercise by playing street hockey every other day. But as I got older (and a computer) I found new hobbies that required extensive sitting.

Time to change it up a little. No more extensive sitting. I can run or ride a mile and never go anywhere, but at least I feel better afterwards. I've heard people say crap like that before, but never believed it. Guess I had to experience it.

Whenever I Want: I can't think of a greater invention for a TV viewer like myself than the digital video recorder. Crazies are trying to make TiVo a generic term, but it's actually called a DVR. Excellent quality video and I don't have a set schedule anymore. I can watch the shows I like whenever I feel like it. How great is that. Here's to the DVR. All right, I'm done now.

2005-06-22T15:02:00.000-04:00

Check out Liz's new blog design! Everybody seems to like it. I'm at Ha-Ha's in Cleveland on the 28th. Don't forget to tip your waitresses.

2005-06-22T00:10:00.000-04:00

That's right, I still have UK2K pictures left to post. Here's another from Urquhart Castle on the banks of Loch Ness.

2005-06-21T00:37:00.000-04:00

This is that cake I was referring to earlier. Blame them. They made it.

That Was Surprising

2005-06-20T23:18:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » Louisiana Love by Carolina Rain
Current Hit Count On This Blog » 818
Big News » Some drunk idiot plowed into Mason Dixon's car on Saturday. He's been in intensive care with a collapse lung, broken ribs, and oh yeah, doctors had to take out his spleen. This is why people should learn how to drive before getting a license to do so. For those of you not familiar with Tampa Bay area or 1980's radio, Mason Dixon is a very popular DJ.

Now, today's story...

This is a post I should have written weeks ago. In talking to Liz and Mandy, I realize there's disappointment about my lack of writing with regard to my 21st birthday party — a surprise party thrown for me by all of my best friends.

I guess there were a lot of reasons (read, excuses) why I didn't write here about it. First was that the week after my birthday I was very busy and didn't have the time to sit down and write. I know, lame.

Another might have been that writing a story where my core audience members were primary participants seems a little like overkill. There aren't a lot of people who I don't know that read my blog. At least they haven't made themselves known to me, anyway.

But this story is mostly for those people as everyone else should already know it.

About a week before my birthday, Cortney asked me if I was doing anything Saturday (the day before my birthday) and if not, to not make any new plans. Done. Now why? Well it seems she and Liz and Gardner want to take me out for dinner. Cool.

As the week continues, the story evolves. The restaurant is to be a secret. However, nobody wants to come by my house and pick me up. Surely you see the dilemma. I'm not sure I'm capable of driving myself to an undisclosed location. Well, they say, I won't have to. I just go to Gardner's, and he'll drive me to the restaurant. Mandy too. That's right, gotta pick her up now.

Don't misunderstand, I'm not complaining. Just curious about all the work I'm putting in for my own surprise birthday party. So Saturday comes around and I head off to pick up Mandy. And we're early. But from everything I'd been told, there were 8:00 reservations waiting for us. And it's typically rude for the guest of honor to show up late. Or so I would imagine.

We get to Gardner's apartment and knock on the door. No answer. Again. No answer. Again. Still nothing. So I call his cell wondering if maybe he meant for us to meet him downstairs. No answer there either. But I keep trying and I suppose at some point he left a voicemail on my cell suggesting that perhaps he is in a position where answering the door wouldn't be the best thing.

The message, transcribed in part: "Dude, I'm takin' a shit." Nice.

Well I don't know if it was a secret code worked out in advance or what, but at this point Mandy suggests that we go look at the pool. I'd been planning to move into Avalon so it seemed natural. But we stood out there for a quite a while and Mandy seemed unusually interested in a big pool she'd likely never see again. But I didn't really think twice about it.

Until when we went back upstairs and everybody shouted "Surprise!" at me and shot me up with various types of graffiti. I meant confetti. Everybody was there and nobody was dressed up. Oh yeah, except for me. Why? Because I thought I was going to a nice restaurant. I gotta say, though, their disinformation campaign worked just how they wanted it to.

And for another thing. Having a relaxed party at Gardner's place was so much better than any restaurant. Of course then there was the cake. With my fat little face plastered all over it. Bet they wouldn't have brought that to a fancy restaurant.

I guess it was on seeing the cake (and some posters strewn about the room) that I realized my mom had been in on this whole thing too. Dealing lots and lots of old photographs. None that were embarrassing, I guess (although some people might see them that way). It all happened right under my nose and I didn't even know it. But that's good though. I enjoyed the surprise.

We had pizza (which came late) and later cake (donning my face) and everyone tried to get me to drink something. But being that I still had to drive home, that wasn't gonna happen. Oh shut it.

Then I opened my gifts. And no offense to anybody else, but I think Liz gave me the coolest birthday present I've ever gotten. It was a copy of the first draft of the script for the pilot of Alias. That was surprising.

Storytime: There's more stuff to read in my fiction blog if you're interested. I've written 20 chapters. Don't you think you should at least read one?

2005-06-19T00:37:00.000-04:00

That is one dusty record player. I've been digitizing my parents' old records. Gonna have more aging MP3s than you can shake a needle at.

A Bumpy Train Ride

2005-06-18T23:48:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » One Believer by Diamond Rio
Current MP3 Count » 5,057
Big News » Here's how lazy Tampa cops are. A Rainbow Warrior-loving cab driver chased down an Earnhardt-admiring bank robbery suspect. That's what is come to. Cabbies are hunting our most wanted. Very reassuring. (And I may not be a NASCAR fan, but come on, Gordon chasing Earnhardt? That's just good entertainment.)

Now, today's story...

Finally, something to write about.

Tonight I went with Jason and my dad to Cypress Gardens to see Diamond Rio in concert. It was an awesome show, but it almost wasn't worth getting there.

The concert was scheduled for 6:30 PM (that's a later story) but we left around 1 so we could stop at Avalon Heights so I could turn in my application. That's the apartment I'll be living in (I hope) come August. Gardner managed to put some clothes on for 10 minutes so we could go see him.

We left Temple Terrace, I'd say, around 2 or 2:30. We didn't make it to the park until close to 5 PM. Yeah, I know. We took 75 to I-4 bound for Lakeland. And that was a good plan, until after stopping for lunch at McDonald's, we realized we didn't have directions to the park. Oh yes, my dad accidentally forgot his Mapquest instructions.

We hoped there would be road signs, you know, those little useless green jobs that stand next to the street all day. Well, there were. Only none of them said anything about Cypress Gardens Adventure Park. We're a good ways down I-4 (practically in Orlando) when it dawns on us to call Cypress Gardens and, a novel thought, ask for directions.

Well, as it happened, we were a good 27 miles past the exit we needed to get off at. This was going to add a substantial amount of time to what should have been a not-so-long trip. Of course, just to put an ironic wrinkle in things, traffic suddenly came to a near stop as we got close to the exit we were going to use to turn around. And a bunch of morons way behind us, who weren't paying attention to the road, rear-ended a bunch of other unlucky souls. It was cool though, because there was a cop practically right next to them.

Yeah, away we go. We hit State Road 570 bound for Winter Haven, a road which, by the way, costs you more to drive than to buy a Big Mac. There were toll plazas every six feet. Well, okay, it's not like I was paying them, but a fella can complain about ridiculous things. Right? No? Okay.

Moving on. We eventually find our way to 540 which leads us to 17 (all roads, just so you know) which gets us to Cypress Gardens Boulevard. Cool, we're nearly there. Oh, wait, then comes a sign that says to turn left for Cypress Gardens. We'll later discover that the omission of "Adventure Park" on that sign would be very crucial. We must've been driving around on various roads named "Cypress Gardens" for about 20 minutes without once seeing a theme park.

Finally a lucky right turn put us right in front of the place. But I swear to you, at one point, we came upon a four-way stop wherein whichever way you went, you'd still be traveling on Cypress Gardens Road. I'll tell you what. People want to know why no one ever went to Cypress Gardens years ago. It wasn't because it sucked. It was because they couldn't find it. They gave up and went home.

Good thing we didn't, though. That concert was worth the [extended] trip. I've always wanted to see Diamond Rio in concert. Now I can cross that off my list. I'd also like to throw in that, in the spare hour we had (yes, just one), I rode a rollercoaster. Me. But don't go thinking it was some SheiKra or something. If anything, it was more like a bumpy train ride. That's the only kind of rollercoaster I'll get anywhere near.

No, you grow up.

Diamond Lineup: Here are the songs Diamond Rio performed tonight, in the order they performed them: Unbelievable; Wrinkles; Norma Jean Riley; One Believer (today's music); State of Emergency (new!); a medley of I Know How The River Feels, That's What I Get For Loving You, and Love A Little Stronger; Mirror Mirror; One More Day; Redneck Love Gone Bad (new!); Can't You Tell (new!); I Believe; Beautiful Mess; a Bluegrass medley; In God We Still Trust (new!); Meet In The Middle; How Your Loves Makes Me Feel; and for the encore, Bubba Hyde.

2005-06-18T23:39:00.000-04:00

This is a Diamond Rio publicity photo. I saw them perform at Cypress Gardens tonight. It was a great show. They expect a new CD in the fall. Keep your fingers crossed, but don't hold your breath. This CD was supposed to be released last fall.

The Magical Golden Hockey Stick, Part V

2005-06-17T21:41:00.000-04:00

This summer I am taking a class called Literature in Childhood Education. Basically, it's about children's stories. A recent assignment was to write a story of a hero's quest. And being a hockey freak who missed an entire season, you can guess my topic. This week I'll be posting the story in five parts. I'll return to my old format next week. Enjoy the story of The Magical Golden Hockey Stick!

PART FIVE

Jack was safe but the hiking path on the map was now gone and the slope of the mountain was so steep he could never climb it on his own. All hope was lost. Jack began to cry, fearing he would never get to Coach in time. Soon after, a Thrasher came flying by and saw Jack crying.

“What’s the matter?” asked the Thrasher.

“I need to scale this mountain to save Coach,” Jack said. “But it is much to steep for me. Is there any way you can help me?”

“Why of course I can!” the Thrasher exclaimed. “You just need to become a Flyer!”

“A Flyer?” Jack asked.

“Yes, take these Red Wings and strap them on,” the Thrasher said. “You’ll fly to the top of this mountain in no time!”

Jack put on the Red Wings and flapped them as hard as he could. He flapped and flapped and finally reached the peak of the mountain. He hid behind some trees trying to get a look at where the Devils were holding Coach and the Magical Golden Hockey Stick.

As Jack hid, a Mighty Duck came up behind him and quacked at him.

“Who are you?” Jack asked.

“I’m the Mighty Duck! You’ll need my help to sneak past the Devils and save your Coach and steal the Magical Golden Hockey Stick.”

“How will you help me?” Jack asked

“Well, I have the Magic Maple Leaf, of course!” the Mighty Duck shouted.

“The Magic Maple Leaf?” Jack asked

The Mighty Duck told Jack to follow him to the gates where there Devils stood guard.

“Who goes there?” a Devil asked in a loud, booming voice.

The Mighty Duck began to wave the Magic Maple Leaf wildly in the direction of the Devils. Jack watched the Devils get sleepy and collapse on the ground.

“Well, that was easy!” Jack said.

“But only I, the Mighty Duck, can give the Magic Maple Leaf its magical powers,” said the Mighty Duck.

Jack thanked the Mighty Duck and opened the gates and found Coach, who was holding the Magical Golden Hockey Stick.

“I believe this is yours,” Coach said.

Jack was so happy that Coach was alive! They each strapped Red Wings and flew all the way home to Vancouver. Jack loved his new Magical Golden Hockey Stick. He scored a hundred goals every season and his team finally won the championship!

THE END

The Magical Golden Hockey Stick, Part IV

2005-06-16T20:58:00.000-04:00

This summer I am taking a class called Literature in Childhood Education. Basically, it's about children's stories. A recent assignment was to write a story of a hero's quest. And being a hockey freak who missed an entire season, you can guess my topic. This week I'll be posting the story in five parts. I'll return to my old format next week. Enjoy the story of The Magical Golden Hockey Stick!

PART FOUR

That afternoon, Jack crossed the border into the Yukon Territory. He was freezing but knew he had to press on. He came upon the Capital of the Yukon — Whitehorse. But there was a civil war brewing in town. One man was trying to claim it was his destiny to become the King of Whitehorse, but the Senators of the city would hear none of that. The Senators were elected by the townspeople and therefore would not step down unless they were voted out. Still, the man continued to claim he was destined to be King. Everybody was yelling and arguing.

Jack was annoyed by all the yelling so he followed the sound of Blues music to a nice restaurant on the edge of town. Inside, everyone was enjoying each other’s company — Canadiens and Canucks alike. Jack ate a healthy dinner and then continued his journey to Mt. Logan.

Jack knew he was getting close because his map showed the mountain was just a little past the town of Whitehorse. It had started to get dark when Jack reached the base of the mountain so he decided to call it a night. It was so quiet, he could hear people far in the distance. He heard the sounds of Oilers working the night shift on the rigs. They were loud men but they got their work done. Jack could also hear the chants of an Indian tribe farther away. They were Blackhawks and they were celebrating a good harvest. These sounds soothed Jack to sleep.

The next morning, Jack awoke to the growls of a bear. This wasn’t just any bear. It was a Bruin! Jack grabbed his backpack and sleeping bag and ran! The Bruin chased Jack and the growls were so loud it shook the earth beneath him. The ground trembled so much that it caused a huge Avalanche! Massive amounts of snow came tumbling down the mountain. Jack escaped the falling snow and rocks but the Bruin was crushed underneath it all. Finally, the ground started to settle.

END OF PART FOUR

The Magical Golden Hockey Stick, Part III

2005-06-15T21:48:00.000-04:00

This summer I am taking a class called Literature in Childhood Education. Basically, it's about children's stories. A recent assignment was to write a story of a hero's quest. And being a hockey freak who missed an entire season, you can guess my topic. This week I'll be posting the story in five parts. I'll return to my old format next week. Enjoy the story of The Magical Golden Hockey Stick!

PART THREE

By nightfall, Jack had made it to Kitimat and was extremely tired. He had never slept away from his home before. It was so dark out. Now he had to make camp in the Wild. Still, he loved it. He loved nature and any chance he got, he always played pond hockey with his friends. He got cozy in his sleeping bag and tried counting the Stars until he fell asleep.

Jack woke up the next morning to the sound of kids playing nearby. He thought that was odd so he investigated. He peeked through the trees and saw a group of children all wearing Blue Jackets. They were making snowballs and throwing them at each other. That looked fun to Jack and he wanted to go play with them. But he knew finding Coach and the Magical Golden Hockey Stick was far more important.

He continued hiking northward when the sky began to turn dark. Rain started to fall and the thunder was deafening because Lightning was striking nearby. Jack tried to find somewhere to take cover. The storm was getting bad. It was like three Hurricanes combined. But Jack kept trudging along. He knew had to make his way inland if he wanted to make it to Mt. Logan. He hiked northeast and started to get out of the storm. He ended up in Spatsizi Wilderness Park and he was soaking wet. He built a fire and used the heat from the Flames to dry his clothes off.

When his clothes were dry, Jack used the remaining cinders to make a grilled cheese sandwich from bread and cheese in his backpack. When he finished, he started out again when he met up with a Ranger who worked in the park. Jack told the Ranger all about his journey and what happened to Coach. The Ranger wished him luck but warned him about the Predators in the woods. The Ranger gave Jack a Sabre that he could use to ward off the monstrous beasts. Jack thanked him and continued on his way.

A few hours down the road, Jack came face to face with a Panther and a Coyote, two of the Predators the Ranger told him about. But Jack set his fear aside and brandished his Sabre. He cut the Panther and Coyote in half with just one slash of his Sabre.

END OF PART THREE

The Magical Golden Hockey Stick, Part II

2005-06-14T21:38:00.000-04:00

This summer I am taking a class called Literature in Childhood Education. Basically, it's about children's stories. A recent assignment was to write a story of a hero's quest. And being a hockey freak who missed an entire season, you can guess my topic. This week I'll be posting the story in five parts. I'll return to my old format next week. Enjoy the story of The Magical Golden Hockey Stick!

PART TWO

Jack lived in Vancouver, where he began his quest up the Pacific coastline. He stood on the dock wearing large snow boots and a great big coat. He was waiting for a ferry but it was getting late and most boats had docked for the night.

Luckily, some Islanders were drifting in after catching fish all day. The boat docked and the men unloaded the catch. Then the members of the crew left to go home for the night, but the captain started his boat back up again. Jack said to the Islander, “Sir are you headed north?” The Islander replied, “Why, yes I am, do you need a lift?” Jack told the Islander about his journey and hopped on board.

Jack and the Islander had almost made it to Port Hardy when they felt a rumbling beneath the small boat. Jack looked over the side and was startled. Sharks! Huge, angry Sharks were thrashing and biting at the boat. The Islander grabbed a harpoon and tried to stave them off, but it was no use. The Sharks were unstoppable. The boat filled with water and the Sharks got closer and closer to Jack and the Islander. The boat finally reached the dock and the Islander grabbed Jack and helped him up onto the pier. The ran as fast as they could to dry land as the Sharks devoured the Islander’s boat. He was angry yet relieved to still be alive.

Jack thanked the Islander for his help and continued his journey. He went on hiking up the coastline, sure to stay far enough away from where the Sharks feed. Jack was coming up on the small town of Namu when he became suspicious of the strange tranquility and quiet around him. Something wasn’t right. All of a sudden, a pack of angry Penguins came charging at Jack! He had to think fast. He grabbed a matchbook out of his backpack and set fire to a dead tree lying on the ground. The Flames kept the Penguins away and Jack continued his journey.

END OF PART TWO

The Magical Golden Hockey Stick, Part I

2005-06-13T23:05:00.000-04:00

This summer I am taking a class called Literature in Childhood Education. Basically, it's about children's stories. A recent assignment was to write a story of a hero's quest. And being a hockey freak who missed an entire season, you can guess my topic. This week I'll be posting the story in five parts. I'll return to my old format next week. Enjoy the story of The Magical Golden Hockey Stick!

PART ONE

Once upon a time there was a boy named Jack. Jack was very young when Coach made him the captain of his hockey team. He was the youngest captain ever! All his teammates cheered him and practiced every day so they could win their next game. But for Jack’s first game as captain, the team lost. Everyone was very sad. But Coach gave them hope. He said, “Jack, now that you’re captain, you must go in search of the Magical Golden Hockey Stick to make our team the very best.”

Jack accepted his mission immediately and asked Coach how to find this Magical Golden Hockey Stick. Coach told Jack that the golden hockey stick was being guarded by three Devils atop the highest mountain peak in Canada — Mt. Logan in the Yukon Territory.

Coach took Jack out to the middle of the rink where they had just finished a game and said that there was a map buried under the ice. Jack grabbed and ice pick off the bench and started digging at center ice. As he and Coach dug and dug, the ice all around them started to melt, and it began to get very hot in the rink.

Then a huge red Devil emerged from the melted ice on one end of the rink where the goal net once stood. And another Devil came up on the other end. Jack was scared and tried to run back to the bench, but the ice was too slippery and he kept falling. The Devils raced toward center ice and grabbed Coach! They flew up out of the building, making a huge hole in the roof. Jack screamed out in fear as he watched the Devils carry Coach away!

Jack saw that the ice had melted so much that he no longer had to dig for the map that Coach told him about. He picked it up and noticed it was made out of some kind of cloth so it wouldn’t tear when it got wet. He rolled it up and put it in his pocket and walked back to the locker room.

Jack told his teammates about his incredible experience, but they did not believe him. He showed them the hole in the roof that the Devils made. But they still refused to believe him. Jack felt alone and he was scared for Coach. He wanted to find him but did not know where to look. Then he remembered! Coach gave him a mission to find the Magical Golden Hockey Stick and said that it was guarded by the Devils. Jack thought if he went to find the stick, he would find the Devils and ask them where they took Coach.

So Jack, map in hand, took off on his journey to find Coach and the Magical Golden Hockey Stick.

END OF PART ONE

2005-06-12T18:25:00.000-04:00

It has been raining quite a lot lately, so this seemed appropriate. Have a rainy day!

2005-06-11T13:49:00.000-04:00

I'm going back to the Blue Ridge Mountains in August. How fun for me.

2005-06-10T23:38:00.000-04:00

It's a mountain tunnel. For real.

Going Postal

2005-06-09T22:36:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » Shine Your Light by The Mavericks
Current Weather Threat » Tropical Storm Arlene
Big News » Bolivia has a new president tonight and there are at least three guys who badly did not want the job. First the guy resigned, then two other congressional types were all, "dude, you gotta be kidding."

Now, today's story...

First of all, sorry about the title of the post. I couldn't resist. I'm weak.

Earlier tonight I took the written exam in what was the first of many steps in the process of becoming an employee of the United States Postal Service. That's right, Chris the Mailman. Only not really.

The test was at a massive temp agency-like place in what was probably once a shopping center at the corner of Busch and Florida Avenue. When I got there, I was surprised to see there were a good 40 or 50 people, most of whom were exactly who you'd think. In other words, three of us were white. I'm not being mean, I'm just saying. Well, I'm not trying to be mean.

We were herded from one room to the next. They had everything but an electrified cattle prod. We lined up and got signed in and headed off to the testing room. The evening had a lot to do with "hurry up and wait" as is to be expected from any governmental venture.

Hurry, go get signed in (and stand in line forever). Hurry, go get seated in the testing room (and wait around until everyone has been signed in). It was like punishment for being early. No, just being on time really. And the bubbling in of information on the answer sheet prior to the actual test-taking was another task.

Do not go ahead of the examiner. If she said fill in your last name only, by god you'd better not even comtemplate filling in your first name. Or there shall be hell to pay.

Now don't get me wrong, it's not like I was actually annoyed by the slowness of everything. But I know people like to bitch and moan about these things, so I figure they must also like to read about them. (That was a not-so-subtle hint to people who like to whine to, for the love of god, stop it!)

Test time at last. Among other things we were forbidden from discussing the contents of Clerical Abilities Examination 710 of the USPS. And since I want the job, I assure you I'm not saying a word. Except for that it was easy. I mean they set out to trick you, but I knew that from doing the practice pre-test last week. So I went in expecting trickery.

There were 140 questions, 20 of which I'm certain were incorrect. I can say this with certainty because in the first two sections, they don't give you enough time to answer all of the questions. So there are 18 that went unanswered. But that was good. The guy next to me had a lot more than that. Yeah, so I mean I don't really understand that.

The good news is, I believe that I passed. A 70% is all that's required. The bad news is I have to wait an unknown amount of time (could be one week, could be three) to have my beliefs confirmed.

But once that happens, I'll set up an appointment for my typing test, followed by an interview and with any luck, by late August, I'll join the ranks of the mentally unbalanced. I'm kidding. I have nothing against postal workers. Or the USPS. Or America. And I'm happy to take a job in data entry if for no other reason than the $13.45 per hour.

Okay, that's the only reason.

Do You Smell That?: I made a gas joke that doesn't make sense because I'm talking about the FX movie Oil Storm. Friends, this is a movie that will make you think. I don't mean to sound all preachy, but it's gonna be a problem whether we want to think about it or not. Oil isn't going to last forever, and nobody seems to be that worried about it. Watch this movie. FX is reairing it this weekend. Saturday at 11 PM and Sunday at 5:30 PM.

2005-06-08T23:45:00.000-04:00

More plant pictures. Ready for your close-up?

2005-06-07T23:49:00.000-04:00

Mountains roads. They're beautiful to look at, but riding on them can make you want to throw up.

2005-06-06T22:54:00.000-04:00

See if this picture gives you a headache.

Top 10: Reasons Hurricane Season Is Like Christmas

2005-06-05T20:21:00.000-04:00

That Sound You Hear? » Doin' It Right by Steve Azar
Days Until My 22nd Birthday » 365
Big News » Last week at Chicago's Lakeshore Marathon, runners ended up going 27 miles instead of the traditional 26 because apparently, not everyone knows how to count. The organizers blamed a miscalculation and the fact that, oh yeah, they were guessing! Well done.

Now, today's story...

Last week somebody sent me this list that cracked me up. Hurricane season is now upon us Southeasterners so I felt it was appropriate:

TOP 10: Reasons Hurricane Season Is Like Christmas

10. Decorating the house (a.k.a. boarding up windows)

9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (a.k.a. camping gear, flashlights, etc.)

8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores

7. Regularly scheduled television shows being pre-empted for "special programming"

6. Family and friends coming to stay with you

5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling you

4. Buying food you don't normally buy... in large quantities

3. Days off from work

2. Candles

1. At some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house

I thought that was pretty funny. I'll have more stories and pictures this week.

Scrubbing In: I got the first season of Scrubs on DVD and I highly recommend it. There isn't a funnier show out there. The extras are awesome as well. Each cast member talks about his/her experience joining the group. And all of it is hilarious.