Don't Just Stand There (Get Out Of My Way!)

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Big News » Liz seems to think that the flagship racer of DEI firing his crew chief is big news. Personally, I think the honor goes to the Floridian murderer who somehow managed to get himself on top of a construction crane in Atlanta. The man won't come down.

Now, today's story...

Last night was Jason's graduation. At the very same time as the season finale of Lost. Seriously, if you'd asked me whether I would go to the graduation or watch Lost, I'd have needed a minute. And I did.

So, the graduation ceremony. I've been in that movie before. It's usually pretty dull and this one was no different. Except to say this. People are, generally speaking, stupid. Consider this question. When you're in a crowded place, and you see someone in a wheelchair trying to be wheeled out of said crowd, what do you do?

Do you try to run out of in front of it and beat it like you're in a race with a cripple? Do you just stand their and expect this person to go around you? Or do you act like a decent, civil creature and move your lousy self?

Hopefully you identified more with the latter. But I gotta say that more than a few dudbrains seemed to associate with the first two. My grandma's just getting passed a bout with lung cancer. (Not the one I went to North Carolina with.) No small task. But while she's not confined a bed, walking or standing for an extended period is a little taxing.

We got her a wheelchair to make attending Jason's graduation a little easier. And I guess somewhere along the way I was volunteered to push her. Have you ever tried to say no to someone in a wheelchair asking you to push them? You can't do it.

Getting into the Sun Dome wasn't that hard, but you still want to avoid people's ankles in these situations. And of course there's my grandma grabbing everybody's hind end as we go by. She says she was just saying "excuse me" but I think she had ulterior motives.

I can't knock it too much because handicappers get great seats. We sat right on the corner behind the stage. Excellent for snapping some quick photos, yes? Getting out of the building was a tricky part. The original plan was to hit Entry 4 with the other five million people in attendance to meet up with the new graduates. This isn't so easy with a wheelchair.

Here's the problem. Not only is the population density in this area exponentially higher now than in any other part of the arena, but they are all standing still. Oh yes, and there's a little thing about an extremely steep incline. I don't know why, but that's how they built the place.

This is tricky because now I have to grip the wheelchair tightly enough so that it doesn't go flying down the hill taking out everyone in its path. And don't forget the rider. I had to make sure she wasn't gonna fall out. It was a steep hill. So I kinda did it sideways so she wasn't really ever facing straight down the hill. Shut up, it's harder than it sounds.

For much of this trip I was trying to follow my dad to the section of the mob where my family was gathering, easily found by spotting Anthony, whose head sticks way up out of the crowd. I don't think I need to tell you he plays basketball. Anyhow, following him became too much of a imposition for both me and my grandma so we opted for the parking lot, which was no easier.

"Excuse me, excuse me," said I. "Get the hell out of my way!" People, as I said before, are stupid. And they did the things I mentioned before along with other equally confounded things. There were some decent folk but they were few and far between.

We finally got back to the car and that was that. So with a nod to Nancy Reagan's pearl of wisdom, I think next time I'll just say no.

Rings All Around: Normally, I don't care. But lately it seems like everybody is getting married. Kenny and the one Liz (and many others, I'm sure) has dubbed Zellwitcher. Jennifleck (because some people think that's funny and I'm not one of them). Now it seems Garth Brooks is getting married again, this time to Trisha Yearwood. This shortly after announcing he'd be coming out of retirement (again) in 2014. Ooh, start the clock now. I'm so excited I could pee in a cowboy hat.