She Was A Killer

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Now, today's story...

All right, so depending on how you look at it, this is either a really funny story or really pathetic story. You can be the judge. And if it's the latter, I don't need to know about it.

Ironically, just last Tuesday I happened to mention my old LEGO interest/hobby/habit/crutch in a post about NASA and the space program. This is ironic because last night Jason and Mark (my brothers, sadly) unearthed two bins worth of old LEGOs.

Why did they do this? To compete against each other in Robot Wars of the LEGO variety. Why did they do this? Even God doesn't know. But they began building these LEGO vehicles to ram into one another. Yes, for real.

Mark built a small, intricate little booger he called The Cannon-mobile. Why The Cannon-mobile? Because it looked like a cannon, the front part serving as a battering ram. Unfortunately I don't have pictures of it because before I thought of it, Jason's Brick destroyed it. Yes, in Brick vs. Cannon-mobile, Brick was king.

Well I had no intention of getting in on this, thank you. See, I couldn't understand how anyone could waste hours of their day away designing a LEGOmobile only to slam it into another one. This is fun? I guess.

They sucked me in. At first I just wanted to watch them build. Then I started having ideas and tossing them random suggestions. But they wouldn't listen. So I decided to put my ideas to my own use. But it was no use.

I was impressed by the explosions of LEGO blocks all over the room. You know how we Americans just love violence. We love it to death. Take a look at any movie made in the last 10 years. But I digress. I decided to build a vehicle, that when facing the Brick, would explode into more pieces than a suicide bomber. That wasn't funny.

I started construction on the Explodomobile promptly after dinner. I worked on it anywhere from 15 to 90 minutes (you lose track of time doing these things). It was perfect, complete with a little red-headed LEGO girl inside (we'll call her Liz) and a white stallion strapped to the top. I used that skinny balloon because the rule was you could use anything that was in the LEGO box. Well, I don't why it was there, but it damn sure was. It held the horse on very nicely.

I showed it off for a while and had it pose for portraits. Then came the moment of truth. Matt demanded I play him first to prove myself. I had been telling everyone I built it to explode. But the secret truth was I built it to be the best. And damned if it didn't blow Matt's crappy little thing away. Expolodmobile won her first match. And last.

Yeah, she took some pretty good damage that I was unable to repair. End of story.

But it was a good run though. I have lots of pictures. So you never know, I may rebuild her one day and fight her once again. This time, against the Brick. Just check out those pictures. She was a killer.

Witness For Yourself: I videotaped some of tonight's nonsense. If you make the questionable decision to watch, you'll see amateur-designed LEGO cars exploding as they are rammed together. It's a complete waste of time, but if it doesn't make you laugh, you are a soul-less thug. As soon as I have it finished, you'll be able to click here to download and watch it (if you must).