Super Mario Convict

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Now, today's story...

It was around this time last year that, through my youngest brother Mark (a video game junkie), I rediscovered the glory of the little Italian plumber that Nintendo invented.

It was the the N64 version of Super Mario, the proper title of which eludes me at the moment. But it made me recall the simple pleasure of guiding the red overall-clad fellow through a series of outlandish worlds in search of big yellow stars.

Now, I wasn't good at it or anything, but I could hold my own. It was fun. I hijacked the Nintendo 64 for a few weeks while I recaptured that feeling. And then it got old, as do most things when overkill sets in.

I guess it was last Christmas that Mark got a new game system. I call it the Purple XBox. He gently corrects me, calling it a Gamecube. What do I know? There are so many damn things. How's a person to keep track? (Obviously, I'm not a video game person — hold your tongue, Brett.)

That said, I recently got the urge again after hearing Mark (talking to someone else) mention a new version of Mario for the Purple XBox. Well, by "new" I of course mean "old" but I'd never heard of it. So I asked him to teach me this game, evidently called Super Mario Sunshine. Don't ask.

Well, as is typical of the Mario series, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to collect a bunch of crap in order to save the Princess. Understood. Well, with the N64 Mario, it was simple. You walk into a picture frame and on the screen it gives you a hint as to where to find the stars you're looking for.

Ah, yes, no such luck with Sunshine. The purpose here is to collect "shinesprites" (a word Jason and Mark both seriously detest) and restore power to the Isle of Delfino. Sure. Here's the catch. The way to find these shinesprites is by essentially cleaning. Yes, cleaning. At the start of the game, you're outfitted with a water pump and your job is to spray down areas covered in a "paint-like substance."

I don't know about you, but I have to ask since when did Mario the plumber become a maid? Clean up your own crap. Leave Mario to his vacation. Only the problem is, as the game's plot goes, Mario has been incarcerated and sentenced to probation, or let's just say it: community service. His striking resemblance to the ninny who's been defacing the island is what did him in. They should've called the game Super Mario Convict.

So, record in tow, I started playing and collected the first two or three shinesprites before realizing how pointless this game is. And what I mean by that is I realized I didn't know how to find the next one. I guess there's a trick to it (there must be), but I haven't figured it out. Chances are I'll give it another shot some time in the future, but for now I'm just lost.

It wasn't the cleaning up of paint that bothered me so much (in fact, I'm sure there's a mother somewhere trying to get her kid to play out in real life what he does in the video game), but rather the fact that there were no discernible directions to guide me.

Until we meet again. Ciao.

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