Here Stupid, Have This Deadly Weapon

That Sound You Hear? » Why by Jason Aldean (From CMT's Studio 330 Sessions)
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Big News » Paula Abdul had an affair with an American Idol contestant and nobody cared. Whoa. Okay, well I didn't care. Other people are just nosy like that. Because Primetime Live had its highest ratings in a long time on Wednesday.

Now, today's story...

I am finally back home now. Though it was more complicated than it has been in the past. And I'm not referring to all the boxes and the packing and the like. Although to be honest, those things did have a hand in it.

The day started at 10 A.M. yet I never actually left the campus until nearly 4:00 in the afternoon. This had a lot to do with the fact that the luggage carrier that I brought from the house to assist me was, well, broken. So there was a reason why it had just been sitting in the garage all this time. Actually, no, that's not a good reason.

So I stood around in the Holly M "waiting room" for about 30 minutes holding onto the hope that eventually someone would finish with a cart and grant me the privilege. It finally happened though I only had the thing about a third of the length of time I waited for it. No, that was not a complaint. Truly. You haven't heard nothing yet.

On my way to return the cart, I was nearly flattened by a "hip" college dad who didn't seem to grasp the concept of a raised crosswalk. He'd just helped his daughter move out of her dorm so maybe he thought that meant he was exempt from the rules. Have you not been watching the news lately? Pedestrians are getting steamrolled all over the area.

There's more. I stopped at the Wendy's on Providence to feed myself since I'd been doing hard labor for six hours (minus about 30 minutes) on an empty stomach. A little ways down the road the traffic starts slowing down. This is to be expected as its late on a Friday afternoon.

Now, me, I'm a careful driver. Nearly to a fault. My friends heckle me for driving "too slow" most of the time. But I obey all the dumb rules because not only would I prefer to avoid a ticket at all costs, but I'd kind of like to not leave this world from within the confines of a motor vehicle, thank you for the opportunity.

I leave plenty of lead room for the guy in front of me in case he's an idiot who decides to slam on his brakes suddenly. Well like I said, the traffic was slowing down and the guy in front of me was thankfully not an idiot. No, that would be the guy behind me. In his pathetically "pimped out" pickup truck.

Maybe he was answering his cell phone. Maybe he was changing the radio station. Or maybe he was just in la-la land. Whatever the case may be, as I slowly slowed down, he did not. Instead he realized I was stopping and screeched his tires for us. Well done, fella.

Well the car behind him did the same thing, and then plowed right into his rear end. And that continued. In my rear view mirror, I watched three cars pile up on top of each other following screeching tires. Their little shindig blocked up the eastbound lanes of Bloomingdale Avenue for who knows how long — at rush hour. All because some idiot doesn't know what brake lights mean.

The DMV practically offers you the James Bond Special — a veritable "license to kill" to anyone who can speak English (and even some who can't). Now, maybe I'm exaggerating and nobody died in the fender benders (I hope) but come on. These huge cars today don't stop unless something stops them, and it's not always the brakes. At least three people will be invensting in new bumpers this summer because Mr. Stupid thought it was more important to find the Cheese Nip he dropped on the floor than operate a deadly weapon with a little consideration.

Stupid stupid drivers. It made me not want to get back on the road today. Only I had to because I was meeting with my RA at 10 P.M. to get officially checked out of Kosove. Which I did, by the way, but only after a near miss with a barrel barricade in the middle of the interstate.

Seriously, the guy in front of me swerved into the center lane when he saw it, obviously not minding the fact that there was another car in that lane. He almost caused an accident as well. The least I could do was flick on my flashers for a few seconds and let the car behind me know there was debris in the road.

All said, this was not a good day for me to be on the road. I'm glad I'm going to bed now.

Near To Dear: If you haven't heard yet (and I'd be surprised if you haven't), be sure to check Liz and Cortney's blogs in the next couple days. They're sure to write about their alleged backstage passes at tonight's Kenny Chesney concert. Is it true? We'll believe it when we see the pictures.